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Some countries have introduced a law to limit working hours for employees. How this law can be introduced? Do you think it’s a positive/ negative development? v.2

Some countries have introduced a law to limit working hours for employees. How this law can be introduced? Do you think it’s a positive/ negative development? v. 2
It is thought by some that it is no longer necessary to learn scientific subject at school, such as mathematics, while others believe that this is mandatory even if it will no be used in future. In this day and age, math in no longer valued as before even so it is the base of all technologies. In my opinion, I believe that it is necessary to teach youngsters math. On one hand, math is the spirit of all innovation, without such subject, it would be impossible to create any of the current technologies. In order to understand complex phenomena, it in necessary to teach children the correct manners of logical thinking which is achieved via solving mathematics equations. For instance, if the binary numbers were not discovered, we would not be able to use computers currently. On the other hand, such subject may be challenging and redundant for some young student who may have more artistic or literature skills. Thus, some children may even end up hating school because of this class. For example, many teenagers drop off school since they cannot understand math and find it very hard. Furthermore, It is very hard to find daily applications of analytical in contrast to languages that are very useful for daily communication. In conclusion, even if teaching mathematics in schools may be hard and not necessary applied later in life, I stand by the idea that is should remain a principal subject. I believe that the benefits of this school material outweigh its drawbacks.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is no longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to learn scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, such as mathematics, while others believe that this is mandatory even if it will
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. In this day and age, math in no longer valued as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is the base of all technologies. In my opinion, I believe that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to teach youngsters math.

On one hand, math is the spirit of all innovation, without such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
, it would be impossible to create any of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
technologies. In order to understand complex phenomena,
It seems that a verb is missing.
it
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
to teach children the correct manners of logical thinking which
is achieved
via solving mathematics equations.
For instance
, if the binary numbers were not discovered, we would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers
currently
.

On the other hand
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
may be challenging and redundant for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young student who may have more artistic or literature
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up hating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
because of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
drop off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
since they cannot understand math and find it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
Furthermore
, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find daily applications of analytical
in contrast
to languages that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for daily communication.

In conclusion
, even if teaching mathematics in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
necessary
applied later in life, I stand by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
Did you mean "it"?
is
should remain a principal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
. I believe that the benefits of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
material outweigh its drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some countries have introduced a law to limit working hours for employees. How this law can be introduced? Do you think it’s a positive/ negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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