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Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are nowadays. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are nowadays. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
It has been suggested that, part-time jobs are becoming widely popular all around the globe among university students. Though there are some negative aspects, in my view, part-time jobs are far more beneficial for the pupils. Working part-time gives the students an opportunity of earning some easy cash while providing real-life work experience. Students rely mainly on parental support and after all the educational expenditure it is impossible for them to have anything left for other needs. Part-time job proves very handy in that regard. Similarly, it can teach them the fundamentals of a place which will be certainly be9neficial in their future life once they start their real career. For example, when someone works somewhere, they learn to struggle within a schedule, how to effort in a team or to trial under pressure. These abilities undoubtedly upgrades as a potential employee. On the contrary, part-time profession may provide some hindrances in their way of life. Firstly, it can be an interruption to their study. Working, few or many hours, can put stress on the mind which may lead to both physical and mental exhaustion. As a consequence, perhaps study will be hampered. Moreover, there is a possibility of losing focus of study. Students will be more inclined towards money probably rather than their education. Another possible consequence of this practice is maybe a less period of time for recreation. It is already proven that if a student does not have any time for relaxation, students will not be able to fulfil their full potential in terms of academics. However, it goes without saying that this sort of job prohibits the heavy reliance on family and at the same time, increases students' self esteem. The feeling that I am capable of coping with the challenges offered by the real world lifts the spirit and boosts the confidence of a student manifolds. Besides, the family, burdened with higher education expense load, can let a sign of relief as the cost is now reduced. For example, in a survey carried out by university of Houston, USA showed that an overwhelming 85% parents felt that they are much better off when their university going children are working. In sum, I firmly believe that the students should be encouraged to do part-time job as its benefits outnumber its demerits greatly.
It has
been suggested
that, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are becoming
widely
popular all around the globe among university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Though there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects, in my view, part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
are far more beneficial for the pupils.

Working part-time gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
an opportunity of earning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
easy cash while providing real-life work experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
rely
mainly
on parental support and
after all
the educational expenditure it is impossible for them to have anything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for other needs. Part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
proves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy in that regard.
Similarly
, it can teach them the fundamentals of a place which will be
certainly
be9neficial in their future life once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their real career.
For example
, when someone works somewhere, they learn to struggle within a schedule, how to effort in a team or to trial under pressure. These abilities
undoubtedly
upgrades as a potential employee.

On the contrary
, part-time profession may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hindrances in their way of life.
Firstly
, it can be an interruption to their study. Working, few or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours, can put
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
on the mind which may lead to both physical and mental exhaustion. As a consequence, perhaps study will
be hampered
.
Moreover
, there is a possibility of losing focus of study.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will be more inclined towards money
probably
rather
than their education. Another possible consequence of this practice is maybe a less period of time for recreation. It is already proven that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
does not have any time for relaxation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will not be able to fulfil their full potential in terms of academics.

However
, it goes without saying that this sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prohibits the heavy reliance on family and at the same time, increases students'
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self esteem
. The feeling that I am capable of coping with the challenges offered by the real world lifts the spirit and boosts the confidence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
manifolds.
Besides
, the family, burdened with higher education expense load, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of relief as the cost is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.
For example
, in a survey carried out by university of Houston, USA
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that an overwhelming 85% parents felt that they are much better off when their university going children are working.

In sum, I
firmly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to do part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as its benefits outnumber its demerits
greatly
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Teachers were more appreciated and valued by society in the past than they are nowadays. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
386 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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