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Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged 15 and younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries? v.1

Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged 15 and younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries? v. 1
Some people are of the opinion that we should focus more on the present rather than making plans for the future. From my perspective, while this argument can be explained for some reasons, I would argue that planning is of paramount importance in the success of any person, and therefore I completely disagree with this statement. People who advocate this idea cite the living-for-the-moment way of life as their ideology. Preparations and arrangements are deemed too complicated for them, and some even think that having a plan is tantamount to giving ourselves unnecessary concerns. However, I find this argument somewhat flawed, since planning ahead is far from synonymous with excessive worrying. Good planners see planning as a facilitator to their future goals, rather than a complication that stands in the course of personal development. Furthermore, I believe that future planning is what makes a person successful in life. Good preparations give a person an edge over impulsive, disoriented ones, and indeed, no big corporations would run well without well thought-out, elaborate schemes. Also, good planning helps people minimize uncertainties. Success stories of famous entrepreneurs and politicians all pinpoint the need for a careful, detailed plan. In times of crisis, a person or an organization with great predictions of as many potential problems as possible always triumphs over those without good planning. In conclusion, my firm conviction is that careful planning for the future is never an unnecessary burden. It is one of the most important attributes constituting success. It is not an overstatement to say that if one fails to plan, they plan to fail.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that we should focus more on the present
rather
than making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. From my perspective, while this argument can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons, I would argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
is of paramount importance in the success of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, and
therefore
I completely disagree with this statement.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who advocate this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
cite the living-for-the-moment way of life as their ideology. Preparations and arrangements
are deemed
too complicated for them, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
is tantamount to giving ourselves unnecessary concerns.
However
, I find this argument somewhat flawed, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
ahead is far from synonymous with excessive worrying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
planners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
as a facilitator to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
goals,
rather
than a complication that stands in the course of personal development.

Furthermore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
is what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
successful in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Good
preparations give a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
an edge over impulsive, disoriented ones, and
indeed
, no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
corporations would run well without well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-out, elaborate schemes.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
minimize uncertainties. Success stories of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entrepreneurs and politicians all pinpoint the need for a careful, detailed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
. In times of crisis, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or an organization with great predictions of as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential problems as possible always triumphs over those without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
planning.

In conclusion
, my firm conviction is that careful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
planning
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
is never an unnecessary burden. It is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
attributes constituting success. It is not an overstatement to say that if one fails to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
to fail.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS essay Some countries have an ever-increasing proportion of population who are aged 15 and younger. What is your opinion of the current and future effects it may have in those countries? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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