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Old generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thinking and behaviour. However, some people think that it is not helpful for the young generations to prepare for modern life in the future. What’s your opinion? v.1

Old generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thinking and behaviour. However, some people think that it is not helpful for the young generations to prepare for modern life in the future. What’s your opinion? v. 1
As the world is rapidly developing in this era of ever evolving technology, mindsets of old generations struggle to adapt to the current changes. People from these generations hold firmly to long-established lifestyle and expect the youth to follow it without considering thoroughly how it might trouble them. Personally, I am convinced that although the youngsters should preserve the traditional values, most of the conventional ideas are inappropriate to apply in the modern time. To begin with, some traditional ways of thinking can go as far as to negate recent revolutionary conceptions. The most obvious example to look at is the violation of gender equity. In some countries, especially the Asian ones, women are normally considered to be inferior to men in several aspects. Not only are sons preferably given the educational opportunity, but daughters are also considered as the misfortune in some rural areas. Such norm has but great negative impacts on young generations since they are brought up with wrong ideas how life works. Another, equally important, aspect is that prejudice might intervene in one’s individual private life. The choice of educational field, career and life partner are quite different than the past centuries and the old generation will have contradicting ideas about those important issues. Thus new generations should be allowed to choose those important aspects of their life as long as they are capable of taking decisions. The older generations have many false prejudices and superstitions which should not be passed to the new generations. To sum up, it is undeniable that some traditional ideas have timeless validity, as they come from long-life practice and experiences and these should be embraced and followed. Nevertheless, from my perspective, many conventional concepts are out-of-date and they should be discarded to keep our society cohesive.
As the world is
rapidly
developing in this era of ever evolving technology, mindsets of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generations struggle to adapt to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
from these generations hold
firmly
to long-established lifestyle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the youth to follow it without considering
thoroughly
how it might trouble them.
Personally
, I
am convinced
that although the youngsters should preserve the traditional values, most of the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
are inappropriate to apply in the modern time.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional ways of thinking can go as far as to negate recent revolutionary conceptions. The most obvious example to look at is the violation of gender equity. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries,
especially
the Asian ones, women are
normally
considered to be inferior to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in several aspects. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are sons
preferably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the educational opportunity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
daughters are
also
considered as the misfortune in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rural areas. Such norm has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
great
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on young generations since they
are brought
up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
works.

Another,
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, aspect is that prejudice might intervene in one’s individual private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The choice of educational field, career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
partner are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
the past centuries and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation will have contradicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
about those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issues.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
new generations should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as long as they are capable of taking decisions. The older generations have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
false prejudices and superstitions which should not
be passed
to the new generations.

To sum up, it is undeniable that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ideas
have timeless validity, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from long-life practice and experiences and these should
be embraced
and followed.
Nevertheless
, from my perspective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conventional concepts are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
out-of-date and
they should
be discarded
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our society cohesive.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Old generations often hold some traditional ideas on the correct way of life, thinking and behaviour. However, some people think that it is not helpful for the young generations to prepare for modern life in the future. What’s your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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