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Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people thing that having more police on streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree? v.10

Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people thing that having more police on streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 10
There are many countries that are facing the high degree of crime. It can be reduced if there are more police officers patrolling the different areas. It can help in controlling criminal activities. However, changing the mentality of people and making changes in the legal system is also very important. Crime rate is increasing rapidly because of the growing aggression and immoral behavior of people. Moreover, due to the excessive intolerance, people are too eager to harm each other and tend to do crimes like murder, harassment, vandalism etc. Hence it is very important to change the thinking of humans. there are numerous people in police department who don' t understand their responsibility and involve in corruption with bad people. This encourages criminals to do wicked activities without fear. So it is very important to have the tight scrutiny of every officer in police department and there should be strict actions if any police officer is found guilty. Furthermore, having stringent civil laws can also be a deterrent to crime. If there is strict punishment for crimes like robbery, kidnapping, murder etc. then criminals will be more scared of doing such crimes. Also there should be a ban on the use of liquor and drugs, that is one of the factors to instigate the atrocious mind of people. To conclude, increasing the number of police officers in the roads is not a reliable solution to reduce crime. There should be a change in the legal system and tougher laws should be made by the government, that can help in minimizing the criminal acts.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries that are facing the high degree of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if there are more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
patrolling the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
However
, changing the mentality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the legal system is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Crime rate is increasing
rapidly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the growing aggression and immoral behavior of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Moreover
, due to the excessive intolerance,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are too eager to harm each other and tend to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like murder, harassment, vandalism etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the thinking of humans.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
department who
Possible spelling mistake found.
don&
#039; t understand their responsibility and involve in corruption with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
to do wicked activities without fear.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have the tight scrutiny of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officer
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
department and there should be strict actions if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officer
is found
guilty.

Furthermore
, having stringent civil laws can
also
be a deterrent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. If there is strict punishment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like robbery, kidnapping, murder etc. then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
will be more scared of doing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there should be a ban on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of liquor and drugs,
that is
one of the factors to instigate the atrocious mind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
police
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
officers
in the roads is not a reliable solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. There should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the legal system and tougher laws should
be made
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in minimizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
acts.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some countries are struggling with an increase in the rate of crime. Many people thing that having more police on streets is the only way to reduce crime. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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