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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both the views and give your opinion v.5

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. 5
These days the majority of companies are approaching various strategies such as sponsoring sports events to increase their sales. Some opine that this strategy is not only promoting the games largely but also providing a platform for new players whereas others believe that companies are now selling low quality and health hazardous products by advertising these on the sports events. However, both points of view need to be addressed before formulating the opinion. To begin with, one of the major benefits of sponsoring sports events is its significance of promoting any game and it also increases the income of companies. Due to fewer funds for particular games by the government, people are losing their interest in these games. So when companies sponsor these games largely definitely they will more likely to watch these games. Thus this will help in promoting any sport. Secondly, sponsorship for events can provide a platform for new talented players. On the other hand, by organizing sports events the majority of companies are selling low-quality products and products which have a negative impact on health. As tobacco and liquor manufacture companies are advertising their products by organizing sports events and these products are extremely harmful to health in general. For example, Kingfisher is basically a wine supplier company but this is using the ground of sporting events in order to boost its income nevertheless wine has negative on the human body. To sum up, Certainly, sponsoring sports events is not only promoting sports but also providing chances to new sportsmen. However, the negative outcomes of these promotions can not be denied. I personally believe that whether companies are promoting games for their own interest but these are beneficial for promoting sports at all.
These days the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are approaching various strategies such as sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
to increase their sales.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that this strategy is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
largely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
providing a platform for new players whereas others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
selling low quality and health hazardous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by advertising these on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
However
, both points of view need to
be addressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
formulating the opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the major benefits of sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is its significance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
any game and it
also
increases the income of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. Due to fewer funds for particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are losing their interest in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
“So when” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
So when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
sponsor these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
largely
definitely they will more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
Secondly
, sponsorship for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can provide a platform for new talented players.

On the other hand
, by organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are selling low-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on health. As tobacco and liquor manufacture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are advertising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are
extremely
harmful to health
in general
.
For example
, Kingfisher is
basically
a wine supplier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this is using the ground of sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
in order to boost its income
nevertheless
wine has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
on the human body.

To sum up,
Certainly
, sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
providing chances to new sportsmen.
However
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
outcomes of these promotions can not
be denied
. I
personally
believe that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at all.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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