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'It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while other believes that life is better in the countryside. Discuss both these views and give your opinion v.2

'It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while other believes that life is better in the countryside. 2
Advancement in the graph of technology is producing tremendous results, however, a large proportion of people still believe that living in rural areas are much better, while for others residing in a metropolitan is easier. I partially agree with both the opinions. I would like to discuss about the statements in following paragraphs. Firstly, countryside areas are less polluted, which can result in a longer life. As villages are not so developed and not every company prefer to plant their factory in the village area due to security reasons because many rural areas are still suffering with looting problems. Also, the automobile industry is yet to be established in many non-urban sectors, which directly result in less pollution because the less availability of automobiles and factories will directly maintain the pollution rate. For instance, villagers love to follow their old traditions and their main way of earning is farming due to which they do not allow any outsider to plant their factory in their motherland because as per reports almost 25% of farmers commit suicide, after they got blackmailed by many big industrialists for their field in India. Thus, non-urban areas are the only way for outsiders to get germ free air. Secondly, an urban area is best in providing jobs to the unemployed peoples. As we are living in the modern era and the many multinational companies love to open their office in the big cities, due to which the rate of unemployment is getting decrease and youngsters are getting more opportunities to show their skills and knowledge. Also, the salary in capital is higher than any respected area, and it allows youth to follow their dream goal. For example, the unemployment rate is 65% in LONI, which is a village located in UTTAR PRADESH, while the unemployment is only 10% in NOIDA, which comes under big cities of UTTAR PRADESH. Hence, to solve these problems, big cities may play an important role. In conclusion, every place has its own value, but we can't deny the fact that the proportion of pollution is hitting major cities, while the level is at minimum in villages and also, as far as employment is concerned nobody can ignore the value of a county. I think both are an important part of any country and living either in the countryside or in a city, both give happiness to their people.
Advancement in the graph of technology is producing tremendous results,
however
, a large proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
still
believe that living in rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are much better, while for others residing in a metropolitan is easier. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both the opinions. I would like to
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
statements in following paragraphs.

Firstly
, countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are less polluted, which can result in a longer life. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
developed and not every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
prefer to plant their factory in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
due to security reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are
still
suffering with looting problems.
Also
, the automobile industry is
yet
to
be established
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
non-urban sectors, which
directly
result in less pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the less availability of automobiles and factories will
directly
maintain the pollution rate.
For instance
, villagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to follow their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
traditions and their main way of earning is farming due to which they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
any outsider to plant their factory in their motherland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
as per reports almost 25% of farmers commit suicide, after they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
blackmailed by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
industrialists for their field in India.
Thus
, non-urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for outsiders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
germ free air.

Secondly
, an urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
is best in providing jobs to the unemployed peoples. As we are living in the modern era and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to open their office in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, due to which the rate of unemployment is getting decrease and youngsters are getting more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge.
Also
, the salary in capital is higher than any respected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
youth to follow their dream goal.
For example
, the unemployment rate is 65% in
Possible spelling mistake found.
LONI
, which is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
village
located in
Possible spelling mistake found.
UTTAR
PRADESH, while the unemployment is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10% in NOIDA, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
UTTAR
PRADESH.
Hence
, to solve these problems,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
may play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role.

In conclusion
, every place has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
value,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can't deny the fact that the proportion of pollution is hitting major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, while the level is at minimum in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
villages
and
also
, as far as employment
is concerned
nobody can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the value of a county. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
both are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of any country and living either in the countryside or in a city, both give happiness to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 'It is thought by some that it is better to live in a city while other believes that life is better in the countryside. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
397 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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