Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinks is has disadvantages to this. Discuss both views and give your opinion? v.2

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinks is has disadvantages to this. v. 2
As far as parenting is concerned, it is a significant responsibility of our life and not paying attention to that might have detrimental effects on our children. Hence, it is argued that joining training parent courses is a beneficial practice for fathers and mothers to fostering their kids. I strongly agree with this notion as well as in following I will explain my reasons about that. To begin with, in spite of the parent’s tertiary education, there are some knowledge regarding rear of children that they could not find it out without eye-opening experiences or learning as to that. Therefore, in such courses organizing for parents, spatialized persons give them elbow room to increase and update their wisdom in this topic. As a result, they will be able to deal with their children in the best way as well as when their kids become older, they will have a healthy mentality. Take the recent research as an example, American psychologist found that 82% of their achievement participants have regular and correct treatment during their childhood. Moreover, these sessions help parents get together and speak about different problems having with their children. So, they have a chance to learn about solutions toward various issues that they might face with in future. For example, if a child has some disorders in his/her school, the way that their parents solved this issue is as a guidance for other parents in a similar case. In conclusion, although parents are mature and wised individuals, when it comes to bringing up a child they surly need more information and training. In this regard, I do endorse that these mentioned courses have a pivotal role in fostering children.
As far as parenting
is concerned
, it is a significant responsibility of our life and not paying attention to that might have detrimental effects on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Hence
, it
is argued
that joining training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
courses is a beneficial practice for fathers and mothers to fostering their kids. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
as well
as in following I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons about that.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
tertiary education, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge regarding
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "rears"?
rear
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that they could not find it out without eye-opening experiences or learning as to that.
Therefore
, in such courses organizing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, spatialized persons give them elbow room to increase and update their wisdom in this topic.
As a result
, they will be able to deal with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the best way
as well
as when their kids become older, they will have a healthy mentality. Take the recent research as an example, American psychologist found that 82% of their achievement participants have regular and correct treatment during their childhood.

Moreover
, these sessions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together and speak about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems having with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they have a chance to learn about solutions toward various issues that they might face with
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For example
, if a child has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disorders in his/her school, the way that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
solved this issue is as a guidance for other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in a similar case.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are mature and wised individuals, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to bringing up a child they surly need more information and training. In this regard, I do endorse that these mentioned courses have a pivotal role in fostering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinks is has disadvantages to this. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts