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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion? v.16

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. v. 16
In this globalized world, commercial domains are earning from every source. Therefore, along with other sources of income, these companies try to earn large sums of money by posting their ads on all the available places of that particular game. That’s why, some people criticize this act by saying that such places should be used for enjoyment not to make bank balances. While some think this practice is useful and consider it a help for those who are not even able to finance their gaming equipment. I personally think that advertisements are helpful and in this essay I will discuss this scenario using the examples of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey in order to demonstrate points and claim support. On the one hand, it’s a general public opinion that sport grounds are for playing so commercial domains have to avoid making it an ads board. Furthermore, organizations have to support games just for the sake of making the humanity happy without showing their names. For example, Oxford University in 2015 conducted a research on commercial domain sponsorship of multiple sport events and it finds out that business empires are investing money on different gaming events to earn money which they customers have to pay by paying more the price of that specific product. So from this example, it is clear that financial support for playing members will be secret instead of inversely charging it from public pockets. On the other hand, advocates of game sponsorships suggest that it is necessary to find the right talent. Because, it’s almost impossible to find a right person if the sports organization haven’t had funds to find that right person. Additionally, this financial help will increase the player morale and it help to improve his skills. Similarly, a survey of Time Magazine in 2017 suggests that 70% population has no objection with any kinds of ads. So, it is clear from the example, that ads are useful not only for the players, but also for that specific event to keep it alive. To conclude, sponsoring any sports by a certain organization has no such big advantages that we can discourage them. Therefore, I personally believe that it is a good activity. In the future, it is predicted that these business empires will finance those games as well which need help for survival.
In this globalized world, commercial domains are earning from every source.
Therefore
, along with other sources of income, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
try to earn large sums of money by posting their ads on all the available places of that particular game. That’s why,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
criticize this act by saying that such places should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for enjoyment not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
bank balances. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this practice is useful and consider it a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for those who are not even able to finance their gaming equipment. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that advertisements are helpful and in this essay I will discuss this scenario using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey in order to demonstrate points and claim support.

On the one hand, it’s a
Consider using "public".
general public
opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
grounds are for playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
commercial domains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
avoid making it an ads board.
Furthermore
, organizations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for the sake of making the humanity happy without showing their names. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Oxford University in 2015 conducted
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on commercial domain sponsorship of multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
finds
out that business empires are investing money on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
to earn money which
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'they'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
they customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay by paying more the price of that specific product.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that financial support for playing members will be secret
instead
of
inversely
charging it from public pockets.

On the other hand
, advocates of game sponsorships suggest that it is necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the right talent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it’s almost impossible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a right person if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
organization haven’t had funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
that right person.
Additionally
, this financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
will increase the player morale and it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Similarly
, a survey of Time Magazine in 2017 suggests that 70% population has no objection with any kinds of ads.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, that ads are useful not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the players,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for that specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
it alive.

To conclude
, sponsoring any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by a certain organization has no such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
advantages that we can discourage them.
Therefore
, I
personally
believe that it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
activity. In the future, it
is predicted
that these business empires will finance those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as well
which need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
for survival.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. v. 16

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
390 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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