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Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantagesDiscuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages 1
Sport helps us to keep healthy life. Nowadays the way of advertising has changed. It is asserted by an array of individuals that few businesses sponsor the sport as a way of advertising is a good whereas people from another school of thought that it has a demerits. Before forming any opinion, both the aspect must be discussed thoroughly Elucidating in details, multifarious reasons suggest why masses, believed it is a good. The first and foremost, companies can tell us about their latest product which are coming in the market. For example, most of people get know about Nickbrand through advertising in world cup of football. However, with the help of advert companies easily increases their employees so that it help to incline the economy growth of any business. Moreover, most of the people live sport they buy their product which are companies use in sport event. On the other hand, opposers think that it has more demerits. Primarily, advertisements companies persuade us to follow the latest trend and encourage us to associated a certain brand with a high status. Furthermore, children are more attract towards the advert and some of them put pressure on their parents to buy this things. Last but not the least, people who are interested in sports spend more money on things related to sports. For instance, a survey conducted In which depicts the 40% of people spend money to buy this things which are connected with sports. To conclude, sponsoring sports increase the growth of company stock. In my opinion the disadvantages of it overweight the merits because it is wastage of time as well as public money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy life. Nowadays the way of advertising has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. It
is asserted
by an array of individuals that few businesses sponsor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
as a way of advertising is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from another school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it has
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a demerit" or simply "demerits"?
a demerits
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
forming any opinion, both the aspect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be discussed
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
thoroughly


Elucidating in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, multifarious reasons suggest why masses, believed it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. The
first
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about their latest product which are coming in the market.
For example
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
know about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nickbrand
through advertising in world cup of football.
However
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of advert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
easily
increases their employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to incline the economy growth of any business.
Moreover
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their product which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
.

On the other hand
, opposers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it has more demerits.
Primarily
, advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
persuade us to follow the latest trend and encourage us
Did you mean "to associate"?
to associated
a certain brand with a high status.
Furthermore
, children are more attract towards the advert and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them put pressure on their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Did you mean "these"?
this
things. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are interested
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
spend more money on things related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, a survey conducted In which depicts the 40% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
Did you mean "these"?
this
things which
are connected
with sports.

To conclude
, sponsoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
increase the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
stock. In my opinion the disadvantages of it overweight the merits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is wastage of time
as well
as public
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
money
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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