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Governments should spend money on the railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Governments should spend money on the railways rather than roads. v. 1
Constructing better infrastructure for transportation is one of the major responsibilities of every government. Some people argue that a large portion of the budget should be allocated to the expansion of railways instead of roads. I agree with this notion to a larger extent, and the following paragraphs stand for my justification. On the one hand, it is wisely believed that trains are beneficial in terms of environmental, economic, and safety issues. Nowadays, thanks to the rapid growth of science and technology, trains that used to burn fossil fuels, such as coil, have become obsolete, and are replaced by electrical ones. These new trains are capable of transferring passengers and commodities without exerting any detrimental effect on the environment. Also, thanks to these environmentally-friendly transport systems, the journeys have become faster, if not more convenient. Because of using electricity, there is no need for the combustion of the fuel; therefore, the train moves more smoothly. On top of these factors, the railway system is more reliable in comparison with roads, because of regular maintenance of them, as well as the controlled speed of the trains. On the other hand, there are a few constraints in implementing railway, particularly in remote areas. Despite a large number of the benefits of trains, they are not applicable in all areas. In some regions, it is considerably expensive, if not impossible, to build a railway to connect remote places, such as regions located near the mountains. Consequently, the necessity for road construction is unlikely to be eliminated. To wrap up, the railway system is more advantageous considering its mitigated implications to nature, as well as its reliability. However, we will not reach remote areas unless we benefit from high-quality roads, as well.
Constructing better infrastructure for transportation is one of the major responsibilities of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that a large portion of the budget should
be allocated
to the expansion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion to a larger extent, and the following paragraphs stand for my justification.

On the one hand, it is
wisely
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
are beneficial in terms of environmental, economic, and safety issues. Nowadays, thanks to the rapid growth of science and technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to burn fossil fuels, such as coil, have become obsolete, and
are replaced
by electrical ones. These new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
are capable of transferring passengers and commodities without exerting any detrimental effect on the environment.
Also
, thanks to these
environmentally
-friendly transport systems, the journeys have become faster, if not more convenient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of using electricity, there is no need for the combustion of the fuel;
therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
more
smoothly
. On top of these factors, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
system is more reliable
in comparison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of regular maintenance of them,
as well
as the controlled speed of the trains.

On the other hand
, there are a few constraints in implementing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
,
particularly
in remote areas. Despite
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
, they are not applicable in all areas. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions, it is
considerably
expensive, if not impossible, to build a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
to connect remote places, such as regions located near the mountains.
Consequently
, the necessity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
construction is unlikely to
be eliminated
.

To wrap up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
system is more advantageous considering its mitigated implications to nature,
as well
as its reliability.
However
, we will not reach remote areas unless we benefit from high-quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
,
as well
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Governments should spend money on the railways rather than roads. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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