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In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
Nowadays, knowledge is increasingly stored on the Internet instead of in books like in the past. Personally, I believe that the benefits of this phenomenon overshadow the drawbacks for the following reasons. Storing information on the internet is highly beneficial for the users. First and foremost, information kept on the Internet is highly accessible for the users. In particular, people can easily look up the information they need regardless of geographic constraints. For example, I am allowed to catch up with the latest current affairs, even when I am on the street by a few clicks on the Internet. Secondly, the sources of information on the Internet are updated constantly and can be shared widely. For instance, as soon as a modern phone is designed, the news about this invention will be posted online immediately, which keep people well-informed of the up-to-date features of the device. Another noticeable advantage of storing the knowledge online is that the Internet allows the viewers to interact with each other. In other words, the readers can present their own perspective about the topic and even question the writer. For instance, the readers have the chance to clear up their queries and get a better understanding of the information. It can also be acknowledged that the information posted on the Internet might be unreliable and misleading in some cases. Some people take advantage of the widespread of the Internet to release distorted and biased news. Nevertheless, the government has imposed stricter censorships on the media, thus, the quality of news has been improved. In conclusion, I believe that storing knowledge on the Internet brings about a number of benefits, however, people can still use books as sources of information. ​
Nowadays, knowledge is
increasingly
stored on the Internet
instead
of in books like in the past.
Personally
, I believe that the benefits of this phenomenon overshadow the drawbacks for the following reasons.

Storing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the internet is
highly
beneficial for the users.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on the Internet is
highly
accessible for the users.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
look up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
they need regardless of geographic constraints.
For example
, I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to catch up with the latest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs, even when I am on the street by a few clicks on the Internet.

Secondly
, the sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the Internet
are updated
constantly
and can
be shared
widely
.
For instance
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as a modern phone
is designed
, the news about this invention will
be posted
online immediately, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
well-informed of the up-to-date features of the device.

Another noticeable advantage of storing the knowledge online is that the Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the viewers to interact with each other.
In other words
, the readers can present their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perspective about the topic and even question the writer.
For instance
, the readers have the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
up their queries and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better understanding of the information.

It can
also
be acknowledged
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
posted on the Internet might be unreliable and misleading in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take advantage of
The phrase 'the widespread of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the widespread of
the Internet to release distorted and biased news.
Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has imposed stricter
Possible spelling mistake found.
censorships on
the media,
thus
, the quality of news has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

In conclusion
, I believe that storing knowledge on the Internet brings about a number of benefits,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
books as sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information. ​
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay In the past people liked to store knowledge in books. However, in the present, we prefer to store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
7 paragraphs
284 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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