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Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages Discuss both views and give your opinion v.2

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages 2
The way of advertisement has changed over the time, nowadays sponsorship is a common among the others ways. Some argued that there are many benefits for advertising, while other people think it has more drawbacks. Both views are valid, in my opinion, the advantages more than disadvantages On the one hand, some people claimed that advertising is modern art and it a key part of modern business. The most obvious advantage is that companies can tell us about their product, without it we have fewer choices. For example, most of the people know Nick and Adidas brand through their advertising in the world cup of football. Also, advertising is a creative industry that employs many people, without it, there would be high unemployment. On the other hand, although, there are advantages of sponsorship they are also some disadvantages. Sometimes advertisement can manipulate people, especially in cloth trend. Furthermore, as we live in consumer culture, advertisement companies persuade us to follow the latest trend and encouraged us to associate a certain brand with a higher status. Moreover, children can easily be influenced by advertisement and some of them put pressure on a parent to buy think. For instance, my smallest brother asked my father to upgrade his phone with every new series. To sum-up, the benefit of sponsorships is a controversial topic, in my point of view the advantages of it overweight the disadvantages.
The way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the time, nowadays sponsorship is a common among the others ways.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argued that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for advertising, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has more drawbacks. Both views are valid, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
more than
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
disadvantages


On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claimed that advertising is modern art and
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
a key part of modern business. The most obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us about their product, without
Consider adding a comma here.
it
we have fewer choices.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know Nick and Adidas brand through their advertising in the world cup of football.
Also
, advertising is a creative industry that employs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, without it, there would be high unemployment.

On the other hand
, although, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of sponsorship they are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
can manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
in cloth trend.
Furthermore
, as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in consumer culture,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
persuade us to follow the latest trend and encouraged us to associate a certain brand with a higher status.
Moreover
, children can
easily
be influenced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them put pressure on a parent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
.
For instance
, my smallest brother asked my father to upgrade his phone with every new series.

To sum-up, the benefit of sponsorships is a controversial topic, in my point of view the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of it overweight the disadvantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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