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Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages 1
Mathematics is one of the academic subjects under scrutiny of critics for a long time. Many parents think teaching mathematics in schools has become useless and on the other hand, there are certain people who consider it as a basic and fundamental learning area for Children to learn. Though people who claim that mathematics has become dormant in academics, in my view, it is an essential subject that is extremely useful for the human race. First of all, treating mathematics as unessential part of education in schools arrives from the thought that calculators and Artificial intelligence would reduce the human effort to great extent. People with this view strongly believe that the need to understand and remember complex formulas and equations in this subject is no longer needed with the advent of modern technological advancements. For example, scientists have confirmed that within the next decade, our mobile phones will be capable of doing the PhD level thesis on their own with the advent of artificial intelligence. Hence, there is no point in spending time in deriving all the lengthy theorems and equations in this subject. In contradiction to the above view, mathematics is considered as the most important credential by many and even some claim it as the language of God. Many complex events that are difficult to fathom for human mind can be solved using several methods of this educational stream. For example, the existence of black holes and distances of planets located many galaxies away from our planet can be solved by sitting in a room at a remote place. Therefore, any doubts that are prevalent on whether math to be taught at educational institutes should be dropped. To summarize, teaching mathematics at schools has been opposed by few sections of the society claiming they can rely on machines to perform mathematical operations. In my conclusion, human beings should only take the help of robots or machines to assist in his operations but not in replacing his thinking capability. Additionally, considering the benefits this educational stream offers, the younger generation should be thoroughly taught math at schools.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mathematics
is one of the academic subjects under scrutiny of critics for a long time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has become useless and
on the other hand
, there are certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who consider it as a basic and fundamental learning area for Children to learn. Though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
has become dormant in academics, in my view, it is an essential subject
that is
extremely
useful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
race.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
as unessential part of education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
arrives from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that calculators and Artificial intelligence would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
effort to great extent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with this view
strongly
believe that the need to understand and remember complex formulas and equations in this subject is no longer needed with the advent of modern technological advancements.
For example
, scientists have confirmed that within the
next
decade, our mobile phones will be capable of doing the PhD level thesis on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
with the advent of artificial intelligence.
Hence
, there is no point in spending time in deriving all the lengthy theorems and equations in this subject.

In contradiction to the above view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
is considered
as the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
credential by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim it as the language of God.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
complex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that are difficult to fathom for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
mind can
be solved
using several methods of this educational stream.
For example
, the existence of black holes and distances of planets located
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
galaxies away from our planet can
be solved
by sitting in a room at a remote place.
Therefore
, any doubts that are prevalent on whether math to
be taught
at educational institutes should
be dropped
.

To summarize
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
has
been opposed
by few sections of the society claiming they can rely on machines to perform mathematical operations. In my conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of robots or machines to assist in his operations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in replacing his thinking capability.
Additionally
, considering the benefits this educational stream offers, the younger generation should be
thoroughly
taught math at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sport as a way to advertise themselves Some people think it is good while others think there are disadvantages 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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