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Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? v. 1
Many people have been concerned about the educational effects of television. While watching TV can help children study more effectively, I strongly disagree that they should be allowed to watch TV frequently both in school and at home. On the one hand, the introduction of the television at home as well as in educational institutes can bring some benefits to the youngsters. First, it is not deniable that television has a powerful influence on children’s awareness because of its wide range of interesting and even inspiring programs. Especially, keeping education as a parental priority in mind, more and more television channels have targeted children by producing many specific educational programs to help reinforce class work. Second, research suggests that spending time on watching television could increase focus and concentration. Television with its magical power of mixing various forms of visual images and sounds stimulates school children’s curiosity and creativity so that they can learn more productively. On the other hand, I believe that watching television can turn out to be significantly harmful if it is not under appropriate control. Without careful supervision, children tend to choose as their favorite TV programs some which are solely designed for entertaining purposes with much violence and inappropriate language. Such unsuitable programs might leave a bad impact on their immature brains and contribute to their negative behavior subsequently. In addition, TV viewing can take away the time that kids need to develop important social skills through conversation and other activities. Moreover, excessive TV watching will probably discourage school children from reading books and other informative material. As a result, children’s cognitive and problem solving ability will be affected. In conclusion, while it is true that through watching TV, children can gain invaluable informational and educational knowledge, in my opinion, TV viewing time should be restricted and under the supervision of parents and teachers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
been concerned
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. While watching TV can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study more
effectively
, I
strongly
disagree that they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
frequently
both in school and at home.

On the one hand, the introduction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
at home
as well
as in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
institutes can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to the youngsters.
First
, it is not deniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has a powerful influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
awareness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its wide range of interesting and even inspiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
Especially
, keeping education as a parental priority in mind, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
channels have targeted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
reinforce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
work. Second, research suggests that spending time on watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could increase focus and concentration.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
with its magical power of mixing various forms of visual images and sounds stimulates school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
curiosity and creativity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can learn more
productively
.

On the other hand
, I believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
can turn out to be
significantly
harmful if it is not under appropriate control. Without careful supervision,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to choose as their favorite TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
which are
solely
designed for entertaining purposes with much violence and inappropriate language. Such unsuitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on their immature brains and contribute to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
behavior
subsequently
.
In addition
, TV viewing can take away the time that kids need to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
through conversation and other activities.
Moreover
, excessive TV watching will
probably
discourage school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from reading books and other informative material.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive and problem solving ability will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

In conclusion
, while it is true that through watching TV,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can gain invaluable informational and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
knowledge, in my opinion, TV viewing time should
be restricted
and under the supervision of parents and teachers.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children can learn more efficiently by watching TV. Therefore, children should watch TV regularly both in school and at home? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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