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Children can learn effectively by watching television. therefore, they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. to what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

Children can learn effectively by watching television. therefore, they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. v. 2
There are split opinions on children watching television. It is widely debated, with some people claiming that school students should be encouraged to watch television, while others proclaim that, they should not be allowed to watch television regularly. In my opinion, I partially agree that children watching television regularly should be encouraged. To embark on, firstly, students squander their time by watching movies on the television media. Secondly, they neglect studies by spending more time in front of the TV and they tend to lose their eyesight. Moreover, most of the content showed in the television media are related to violence and adultery, which young students should not be encouraged in the first place. Furthermore, children should spend more time in physical activities, which help them to improve their physical strength, stamina and also aid to inculcate few helpful skills. However, it is undeniable fact that, students gain a huge knowledge by watching the news on the television and also come to know diverse culture and current issues world is facing. Students who watch animal planet channel know about different species and indigenous lifestyles shown in that. Also few channels, show about recent scientific inventions and latest technologies, how they are changing the current world, which assist the young mind to acquire the enormous knowledge. To Conclude, students are more tend to ruin their time by watching unnecessary shows, movies and adultery content on the television. Parents and teachers should assist children in watching only good things on TV media like news and discovery channels which in turn hone their skills.
There
are split
opinions on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. It is
widely
debated, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claiming that school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, while others proclaim that, they should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
regularly
. In my opinion, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
regularly
should
be encouraged
.

To embark on,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
squander their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by watching movies on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
media.
Secondly
, they neglect studies by spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in front of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
TV and
they tend to lose their eyesight.
Moreover
, most of the content
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
media
are related
to violence and adultery, which young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should not
be encouraged
in the
first
place.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in physical activities, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their physical strength, stamina and
also
aid to inculcate few helpful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

However
, it is undeniable fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "huge knowledge".
a huge knowledge
by watching the news on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know diverse culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
issues world is facing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
animal planet channel know about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
species and indigenous lifestyles shown in that.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
few channels,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
about recent scientific inventions and latest technologies, how they are changing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world, which assist the young
The verb 'mind' is used with the gerund form: "mind acquiring".
mind to acquire
the enormous knowledge.

To Conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more tend to ruin their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by watching unnecessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, movies and adultery content on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
. Parents and teachers should assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in watching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things on TV media like news and discovery channels which in turn hone their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Children can learn effectively by watching television. therefore, they should be encouraged to watch television regularly at home and at school. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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