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Some celebrities say that their private lives shouldn’t come under media scrutiny. Other people, however, believe that they should accept it as part of their fame. v.2

Some celebrities say that their private lives shouldn’t come under media scrutiny. Other people, however, believe that they should accept it as part of their fame. v. 2
Being a member of the contemporary world, it is everyone’s right to spend their personal and private life according to their own will. Media has great influence on celebrities’ lives and often highlights their private matters, which is considered to be a shameful tactic and they mainly do to get higher publicity and ratings for their television and newspapers etc. Some people claim that famous stars compromise with the fact that disclosing and revealing their hidden truths would end up in giving them more fame and commercial gain. Firstly celebrities are also human beings and they have right to enjoy the comfort of their personal life without having interference of the outside world. In ordinary life, they also behave, act and live like normal people. They also face numerous problems as other citizens of the country but to bring their personal issues to media is an immoral activity that should be discouraged by all means. They should be treated with care, respect and always acknowledge due to their works and achievement. There is no denying that celebrities use such tactics to gain more success and fame in their professional career, discussing and portraying secrets of their life significantly increased their popularity and create a new horizon of opportunities for them. For instance Paris Hilton, a famous Hollywood actress was on the brink of her career end, released her sex tapes to drag the attention of a large audience, suddenly after the release she was in spotlight and limelight everywhere and also got more business afterwards. To sum up, I would like to say that people’s privacy is their basic right that should be followed and exercised in all educated societies. However, some celebrities intentionally make them one to public to enjoy lucrative incentives associated with it.
Being a member of the contemporary world, it is everyone’s right to spend their personal and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
according to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
will. Media has great influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
highlights their private matters, which
is considered
to be a shameful
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tactic and
they
mainly
do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher publicity and ratings for their television and newspapers etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
stars compromise with the fact that disclosing and revealing their hidden truths would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in giving them more fame and commercial gain.

Firstly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
also
human
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
beings and
they have right to enjoy the comfort of their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
without having interference of the outside world. In ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they
also
behave, act and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
like normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They
also
face numerous problems as other citizens of the country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to bring their personal issues to media is an immoral activity that should
be discouraged
by all means. They should
be treated
with care, respect and always acknowledge due to their works and achievement.

There is no denying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
such tactics to gain more success and fame in their professional career, discussing and portraying secrets of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
significantly
increased their popularity and create a new horizon of opportunities for them.
For instance
Paris Hilton, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Hollywood actress was on the brink of her career
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, released her sex tapes to drag the attention of a large audience,
suddenly
after the release she was in spotlight and limelight everywhere and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more business afterwards.

To sum up, I would like to say that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s privacy is their basic right that should
be followed
and exercised in all educated societies.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
intentionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them one
Did you mean "too public to"?
to public to
enjoy lucrative incentives associated with it.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some celebrities say that their private lives shouldn’t come under media scrutiny. Other people, however, believe that they should accept it as part of their fame. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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