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Many celebrities, such as actors, athletes, and rock musicians, often speak about subjects or causes they feel strongly about. Because of their fame, many people listen. Do you think that celebrities make a difference in the world because they voice thei v.1

Many celebrities, such as actors, athletes, and rock musicians, often speak about subjects or causes they feel strongly about. Because of their fame, many people listen. Do you think that celebrities make a difference in the world because they voice thei v. 1
Nowadays, celebrities are respected by people. They have an opportunity to be guests in different kinds of shows and to present themselves and their opinions about subjects or causes they feel strongly about. Most people state that celebrities make a difference in the world because they influence people' s opinions. However, there are some people who oppose. Furthermore, they state that politicians, scientists and economists have a stronger impact on world than celebrities. As far as I am concerned, I think that celebrities make changes in the world because they are adolescents' idol' s, they have opportunity to motivate people and their opinion and are respected by social masses. Firstly, adolescents watch television a lot. Furthermore, they enjoy watching movies, sports, shows and so on. Thus, they have their favorite famous figure they respect and they listen. Those celebrities became adolescent' s idols, so they will strongly impact their behavior, attitude and world perception. For instance, some actors have drinking, gambling and drug problems, like Charlie Sheen or singer Justin Bieber, so they present bed image to their fans. Secondly, celebrities may motivate people to work hard or to live a healthy life. People listen their voice about different subjects and causes. Moreover, they observe celebrities' lifestyle. Thus, people would copy some things they think that could be good for their lives or careers. For example, famous athletes will influence people to workout or play sports. In addition, they will influence young people to become sportsmen. Consequently, the nation will be healthier and in better shape. Thirdly, many celebrities because of their popularity have a possibility to become politicians. In addition, because of their fame, people respect them and have confidence in them and their actions. For example, Hollywood star and an actor Arnold Schwazenegger became a politician and governor of California. Furthermore, his candidacy for a governor position immediately became national and international news, and he won election. Thus, he had a chance to make crucial changes in the people' s lives and in the world. To conclude, generally people believe that celebrities make a difference in the world because they voice their opinions. I agree with them, because they have wide intensive influence on adolescents, people' s lives and the nation politic and fate.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are respected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They have an opportunity to be guests in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and to present themselves and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
about subjects or causes they feel
strongly
about. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
state that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who oppose.
Furthermore
, they state that politicians, scientists and economists have a stronger impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. As far as I
am concerned
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolescents&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake found.
idol&
#039; s, they have opportunity to motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
and
are respected
by social masses.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television a lot.
Furthermore
, they enjoy watching movies, sports,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
, they have their favorite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
figure they
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
respect and
they listen. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
became
Possible spelling mistake found.
adolescent&
#039; s idols,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
strongly
impact their behavior, attitude and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
perception.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actors have drinking, gambling and drug problems, like Charlie Sheen or singer Justin Bieber,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they present bed image to their fans.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
may motivate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
or to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a healthy life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
listen their voice about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects and causes.
Moreover
, they observe
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039; lifestyle.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would copy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
things they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
or careers.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
athletes will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to workout or play sports.
In addition
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become sportsmen.
Consequently
, the nation will be healthier and in better shape.

Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their popularity have a possibility to become politicians.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their fame,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
respect them and have confidence in them and their actions.
For example
, Hollywood star and an actor Arnold
Possible spelling mistake found.
Schwazenegger
became a politician and governor of California.
Furthermore
, his candidacy for a governor position immediately became national and international news, and he won election.
Thus
, he had a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and in the world.

To conclude
,
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they voice their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have wide intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adolescents
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and the nation politic and fate.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Many celebrities, such as actors, athletes, and rock musicians, often speak about subjects or causes they feel strongly about. Because of their fame, many people listen. Do you think that celebrities make a difference in the world because they voice thei v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
376 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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