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Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruins one’s health completely. What’s your opinion on that? v.1

Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruins one’s health completely. What’s your opinion on that? v. 1
There have been dramatic changes in people’s lifestyle and eating habits over the last few years. Large numbers of people are more concerned about their health and they would like to do dieting, exercise and other physical activities to present themselves in good shape. Dieting is the activity that is more practicable in today’s world to reduce body weight. I believe that dieting badly affects our immune and digestion system and make us more susceptible to illness. Many people do dieting to reduce their weight without realising its detrimental effect in their body. Firstly they will lack in physical activities and other works that demand hardworking and strength because they are not having sufficient intake of food to produce energy that is required for such activities. This will make them lethargic and their sedimentary lifestyle contributes to weight gain. Secondly, deficient energy in the body will affect the immune system that would show less resistance against viruses and make the human more open for diseases. However, dieting plays a substantial role in controlling obesity and youngsters are more attracted towards this technique of weight loose. It helps them in reducing weight and also makes their body sound and finally helps them gain a good shape. In addition to this, dieting also helps in proper working of various organisms in the human body, that is also scientifically proved. To sum up, I would like to say that dieting has more disadvantages that outweigh its advantages; people with healthy diet and lifestyle spend better life than others. Therefore, dieting impedes the progress of body and increase the risk of attacking germs and viruses.
There have been dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
lifestyle and eating habits over the last few years. Large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more concerned about their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
health and
they would like to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go dieting".
do dieting
, exercise and other physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to present themselves in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape. Dieting is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that is
more practicable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. I believe that dieting
badly
affects our immune and digestion system and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us more susceptible to illness.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go dieting".
do dieting
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
its detrimental effect in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
.
Firstly
they will lack in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and other works that demand hardworking and strength
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not having sufficient intake of food to produce energy that
is required
for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them lethargic and their sedimentary lifestyle contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
gain.
Secondly
, deficient energy in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
will affect the immune system that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
less resistance against viruses and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the human more open for diseases.

However
, dieting plays a substantial role in controlling obesity and youngsters are more attracted towards this technique of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
loose. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in reducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
sound and
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them gain a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
shape.
In addition
to this, dieting
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in proper working of various organisms in the human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
,
that is
also
scientifically
proved.

To sum up, I would like to say that dieting has more disadvantages that outweigh its advantages;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with healthy diet and lifestyle spend better life than others.
Therefore
, dieting impedes the progress of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
and increase the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of attacking germs and viruses.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruins one’s health completely. What’s your opinion on that? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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