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Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v.2

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 2
Usages of social networking sites like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google + etc. have dramatically increased recently with the advancement of technology. Although, it has many detrimental effects on the society but its positive side cannot be neglected. I believe that technology has a significant contribution in bringing people closer around the globe and also as a source of cheap and efficient communication. Social networking sites play a pivotal role in mitigating communication gap not only in the immediate social circle but also with friends and families in remote areas by sharing their news and updates. Social networking sites provide a rapid and effective way of interaction among people. Furthermore, many social groups exist on such sites which help people to find persons of the same interests and attitudes without confiding them to only geographical boundaries. It has recently been seen that many injustice and social issues were shared in social networking sites and that made a huge impact on authority and that has brought justice to the victims. Social networking sites are a common ground for mass people to share their updates, views and other details. Thus this has created a world without any boundary. On the other hand, it is often seen that people have become disjointed and fragmented as the social networking sites become prevalent in societies and communities. Youngsters are more receptive to this change would like to spend most of their time on these sites. This has led dire consequences on their physical and psychological health. Moreover, families are greatly affected by this and their social bonding is no more present in contemporary days. People are getting addicted to these websites and thus becoming less social in many cases. Propaganda and fraud relationship have caused many personal and social dilemma. To sum up, I would like to say that people have become more social and interactive by the use of social networking sites. It gives people a sense of freedom to talk around the world without worrying about the huge cost that incurred previously. However, it has severe negative effects, as most of the people opt to talk using technology than meeting others in person due to their busy lifestyle, it increases  the distance in their relationship.
Usages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Google + etc. have
dramatically
increased recently with the advancement of technology. Although, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
detrimental effects on the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side cannot
be neglected
. I believe that technology has a significant contribution in bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
closer around the globe and
also
as a source of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and efficient communication.

Social networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
play a pivotal role in mitigating communication gap not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
circle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with friends and families in remote areas by sharing their news and updates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
provide a rapid and effective way of interaction among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
groups exist on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find persons of the same interests and attitudes without confiding them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
geographical boundaries. It has recently been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
injustice and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
issues
were shared
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
and that made a huge impact on authority and that has brought justice to the victims.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are a common ground for mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to share their updates, views and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
this has created a world without any boundary.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become disjointed and fragmented as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
become prevalent in societies and communities. Youngsters are more receptive to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
would like to spend most of their time on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. This has led dire consequences on their physical and psychological health.
Moreover
, families are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
bonding is no more present in contemporary days.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are getting addicted to these websites and
thus
becoming less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases. Propaganda and fraud relationship have caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
personal and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
dilemma.

To sum up, I would like to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and interactive by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
. It gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of freedom to talk around the world without worrying about the huge cost that incurred previously.
However
, it has severe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects, as most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opt to talk using technology than meeting others in person due to their busy lifestyle, it increases
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the distance in their relationship.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that social networking sites (such as Facebook) have a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
371 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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