Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays, many people are spending less and less time at home, What are the causes of it? What are the effects of this on individuals as well as on the society? v.1

Nowadays, many people are spending less and less time at home, What are the causes of it? What are the effects of this on individuals as well as on the society? v. 1
Technology has made so much advancement in this modern world and we are continuing to become more and more dependent on technology day by day. These days online shopping has become so regular and we can find almost everything online like books, tickets and all other daily life needs. As there are pros and cons to everything, so does online shopping. I do believe that there are more advantages to online shopping than disadvantages. Online shopping has introduced markets to even those remote locations which previously had no access to markets. For instance, one of my friend lives in a rural area, there is a small town located in Punjab, where no market is established and they do not have a variety of products to buy from. Even buying a ticket was very burdensome for them. Now they can buy train or air ticket easily through internet. This online way of shopping is also beneficial for those who are busy is their work and it is very difficult for them to visit markets for shopping after their tiresome day. They get time to spend with their family during weekends, instead of spending their time on shopping. These days with growing online markets, you can see competition between different stores thus benefiting the customers. As I mentioned earlier, there are pros and cons to almost everything. There is one setback which I can consider. Sometimes, you might get scammed by someone online. You have to be very careful while buy something online and processing a payment. Government with the cooperation of IT experts is taking certain steps to make the internet more secure. Most of the accounts are insured by banks, and if you get scammed, often you get your money back. To conclude It can be said that, even there are some obstacles, still obstacles of such kind cannot overcome the advantages of online shopping and online markets will continue to expand with time.
Technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much advancement in this modern
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
we are continuing to become more and more dependent on technology day by day. These days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
regular and
we can find almost everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
like books, tickets and all other daily life needs. As there are pros and cons to everything,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
does
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. I do believe that there are more advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
than disadvantages.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has introduced markets to even those remote locations which previously had no access to markets.
For instance
, one of my friend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in a rural area, there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town located in Punjab, where no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
established and
they do not have a variety of products to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from. Even buying a ticket was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
burdensome for them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
train or air ticket
easily
through internet. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is
also
beneficial for those who are busy is their work and it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult for them to visit markets for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
after their tiresome day. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to spend with their family during weekends,
instead
of spending their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. These days with growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
competition between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stores
thus
benefiting the customers.

As I mentioned earlier, there are pros and cons to almost everything. There is one setback which I can consider.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, you might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scammed by someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. You
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
careful while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and processing a payment.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
with the cooperation of IT experts is taking certain steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the internet more secure. Most of the accounts
are insured
by banks, and if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
scammed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your money back.

To conclude
It can
be said
that, even there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obstacles,
still
obstacles of such kind cannot overcome the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
markets will continue to expand with time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people are spending less and less time at home, What are the causes of it? What are the effects of this on individuals as well as on the society? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts