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When you choose to eat at the restaurant or café, what are the features thatyou care about most? Explain why. v.1

When you choose to eat at the restaurant or café, what are the features thatyou care about most? Explain why. v. 1
First of all, parents are the first teachers for the children and the most reliable ones. Moreover, they are selfless in the guidance they provide to their children. This often tempts children to approach them for their useful advice in a wide range of situations - from the simplest of act they perform to the most critical decisions they need to make in their life later. For instance, it is common for children to ask suggestions from their father on what major to study at college. Constant tutelage of parents makes young people feel safe about their choices, even though they might be circumspect at times. In contrary, there are some teenagers who are more daring and confident about themselves. This often makes them believe that the guidance from parents make them timid and limit their capabilities. These kinds of adolescents might go on to mature rather quickly and become self-dependent. Even recent studies suggest that young children who are disciplined, but make the right choices for themselves achieve greater success in life as it allows them to develop sophisticated social skills as well as problem solving ability in all situations. Personally, I believe parents should not become overprotective and expect the children to ask their advice for every little thing. Every child is born unique and by doing certain activities his own way, he is more likely to explore his inborn qualities. In conclusion, children who are more likely to comply with what their parents suggest them to do make them feel good about the trust in their endorsement. On the other hand, there are others who feel making choices independently enable them to become unique and reach their true potential. Taking an advice from the parents, but not feeling obliged to comply with each of them is probably a compromise that can encourage him for making mature but less vulnerable decisions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are the
first
teachers for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the most reliable ones.
Moreover
, they are selfless in the guidance they provide to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tempts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to approach them for their useful advice in a wide range of situations
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
from the simplest of act they perform to the most critical decisions they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
in their life later.
For instance
, it is common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to ask suggestions from their father on what major to study at college. Constant tutelage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel safe about their choices,
even though
they might be circumspect at times.

In contrary, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more daring and confident about themselves. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them believe that the guidance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them timid and limit their capabilities. These kinds of adolescents might go on to mature
rather
quickly
and become self-dependent. Even recent studies suggest that young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are disciplined
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right choices for themselves achieve greater success in life as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to develop sophisticated social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as problem solving ability in all situations.

Personally
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not become overprotective and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to ask their advice for every
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
thing. Every child
is born
unique and by doing certain activities his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way, he is more likely to explore his inborn qualities.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are more likely to comply with what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
suggest them to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
about the trust in their endorsement.
On the other hand
, there are others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
feel making choices
independently
enable them to become unique and reach their true potential. Taking
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "advice".
an advice
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not feeling obliged to comply with each of them is
probably
a compromise that can encourage him for making mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less vulnerable decisions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay When you choose to eat at the restaurant or café, what are the features thatyou care about most? Explain why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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