Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed? v.5

There are still many places in the world where science courses in schools are dominated by male students. There are many factors contributing to this phenomenon and it needs to be changed so that the choice of study is made entirely by the student’s genuine interest. One of the reasons for this trend is that boys are generally more competitive and they choose more challenging and physically demanding courses like science and engineering while girls opt to study less competitive subjects like literature and history. Furthermore obtaining science degrees guarantee better job opportunities and hence boys who are considered as future breadwinners opt to study these courses. In developing countries, the majority of girls are still expected to become housewives to take care of the family and the idea of them pursuing a career as a medical doctor or a scientist is not much appreciated. Therefore because of the peer pressure and social influences, many female students end up taking less demanding arts courses just to receive a degree although they might have passion for studying science. My view is that the decision to pursue art or science should be made according to their interest and preferences and not be influenced by social pressure. I have seen a medical student who wanted to study Philosophy but his parents forced him to join medical school and he ended up dropping out from the course because of his poor performance in studies. Students will excel in their chosen fields only if the choice was made willingly. Women should also be empowered to gain more confidence to enter male dominated environments like engineering or IT. History has proven that women are as good as men in science as we have witnessed a lot of female Nobel Prize winners in science. In conclusion, gender stereotypes are still influencing the choice of study and career and I believe this trend should be changed. Every student should choose the subject they love regardless of their gender so that there will be more enthusiastic professionals in both art and science.
There are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places in the world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in schools
are dominated
by male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors contributing to this
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
phenomenon and
it needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
is made
entirely
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
genuine interest.

One of the reasons for this trend is that boys are
generally
more
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
competitive and
they choose more challenging and
physically
demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and engineering while girls opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
less competitive subjects like literature and history.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
degrees guarantee better job opportunities and
hence
boys who
are considered
as future breadwinners opt to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the majority of girls are
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to become housewives to take care of the family and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of them pursuing a career as a medical doctor or a scientist is not much appreciated.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the peer pressure and social influences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up taking less demanding arts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to receive a degree although they might have passion for studying science.

My view is that the decision to pursue art or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
should
be made
according to their interest and preferences and not
be influenced
by social pressure. I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Use a comma before ‘but’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Philosophy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
his parents forced him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
medical
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
school and
he ended up dropping out from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his poor performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
will excel in their chosen fields
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if the choice
was made
willingly
. Women should
also
be empowered
to gain more confidence to enter male dominated environments like engineering or IT. History has proven that women are as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
as we have witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
female Nobel Prize winners in science.

In conclusion
, gender stereotypes are
still
influencing the choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and career and I believe this trend should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should choose the subject they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
regardless of their gender
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that there will be more enthusiastic professionals in both art and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad
Show Comments
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay In some schools and universities, girls tend to choose arts subjects (e. g. literature), and boys tend to choose science subjects (e. g. physics). Why do you think this is so? Should this tendency be changed?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts