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Some believe that TV programs have a positiveinfluence on modern society. Others, however, think that the influence of TVprograms is negative. v.1

Some believe that TV programs have a positiveinfluence on modern society. Others, however, think that the influence of TVprograms is negative. v. 1
It is true that people in industrialised nations can expect to live longer than ever before. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential problems. As people live longer and the populations of developed countries grow older, several related problems can be anticipated. The main issue is that there will obviously be more people of retirement age who will be eligible to receive a pension. The proportion of younger, working adults will be smaller, and governments will therefore receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of the population. In other words, an ageing population will mean a greater tax burden for working adults. Further pressures will include a rise in the demand for healthcare, and the fact young adults will increasingly have to look after their elderly relatives. There are several actions that governments could take to solve the problems described above. Firstly, a simple solution would be to increase the retirement age for working adults, perhaps from 65 to 70. Nowadays, people of this age tend to be healthy enough to continue a productive working life. A second measure would be for governments to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes. Finally, money from national budgets will need to be taken from other areas and spent on vital health care, accommodation and transport facilities for the rising numbers of older citizens. In conclusion, various measures can be taken to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the populations of countries grow older.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
nations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Although there will
undoubtedly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend, societies can take steps to mitigate these potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
grow older, several related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
can
be anticipated
. The main issue is that there will
obviously
be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of retirement age who will be eligible to receive a pension. The proportion of younger,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will be smaller, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will
therefore
receive less money in taxes in relation to the size of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
.
In other words
, an
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
will mean a greater tax burden for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Further
pressures will include a rise in the demand for healthcare, and the fact young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
will
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after their elderly relatives.

There are several actions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
could take to solve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above.
Firstly
, a simple solution would be to increase the retirement age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, perhaps from 65 to 70. Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of this age tend to be healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to continue a productive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life. A second measure would be for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
who pay taxes.
Finally
, money from national budgets will need to
be taken
from other areas and spent on vital health care, accommodation and transport facilities for the rising numbers of older citizens.

In conclusion
, various measures can
be taken
to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
that are certain to arise as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
populations
of countries grow older.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that TV programs have a positiveinfluence on modern society. Others, however, think that the influence of TVprograms is negative. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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