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many people say that we should eat healthy. in your opinion what do you consider a healthy diet and why? v.1

many people say that we should eat healthy. in your opinion what do you consider a healthy diet and why? v. 1
It is argued by some that schools around the would have to teach to their students the importance about playing sports in a team and give a space to practice them; such as volley, rugby and so on. In my opinion, I totally agree with that because children learn to share social experiences with others, as well as that preparing them to work with colleagues in the future. First of all, every education institution must include in their curricula practicing sports in a group. That is important because it helps younger to understanding that we live in a society with others, and sharing experiences and support team members are crucial. For example, in my school, I have learned to play handball with my mates. We have been sharing moments together, developing our sense of community and fraternity. Secondly, the key of doing group activities at school is that giving essential tools to be successful in the future. Knowing how to work with people and be cooperative will allow them to get a job easily and solving problems quickly. This future adults could take a position as a leader or supervisor due to they know how to deal with partners. For instance, my husband used to be the captain of basketball team in the club, and now, as an adult, he enjoys being a supervisor at work, solving problems and be supportive and emphatic with his colleges. To sum up, children must be exposed to play and enjoy sports on a team, developing valuable tools crucial for the future at work and social life.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that schools around
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach to their students the importance about playing sports in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
and give a space to practice them; such as volley, rugby and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children learn to share social experiences with others,
as well
as that preparing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with colleagues in the future.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, every education institution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include in their curricula practicing sports in a group.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
younger to understanding that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society with others, and sharing experiences and support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
members are crucial.
For example
, in my school, I have learned to play handball with my mates. We have been sharing moments together, developing our sense of community and fraternity.

Secondly
, the key of doing group activities at school is that giving essential tools to be successful in the future. Knowing how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and be cooperative will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job
easily
and solving problems
quickly
. This future adults could take a position as a leader or supervisor due to they know how to deal with partners.
For instance
, my husband
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be the captain of basketball
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
in the club, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, as an adult, he enjoys being a supervisor at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, solving problems and be supportive and emphatic with his colleges.

To sum up, children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be exposed
to play and enjoy sports on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, developing valuable tools crucial for the future at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and social life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay many people say that we should eat healthy. in your opinion what do you consider a healthy diet and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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