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Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? Please give your opinion with specific examples and details. v.2

Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? Please give your opinion with specific examples and details. v. 2
It is an irrefutable fact that in today's era offsprings has an abundance of freedom. Whether it might be deleterious in some facts or not has become a matter of discussion among the masses. I strongly agree with the notion that even though the young ones would go astray, moreover the media may negatively influence them. To embark upon, children would go deviated from the studies due to excessive freedom. Indeed, offsprings are not only vulnerable to threats in this age but also immature to understand the dichotomy. Thus, people who are deceptive as well as nonviolent will take undue advantage of children and brainwash them owing to this they would incline towards illegal activities. As a result, they will go astray in their life. To exemplify, in USA, 40 %of young ones found indulged in drug abuse due to more freedom. So, the young ones get deviated. Furthermore, the media will pessimistically influence these young lads because of plethora of independence. Although parents cannot be present every time with their children, so they are towards bad company because of mass media. Therefore, they begin to bully & fight with others and become intolerant, which further result into acceptance from society. Hence, offsprings may indulge in crime. To justify, In Brazil, 50% of children found in criminal activities because of media's noxious exposure. Thus, children become future criminals. To conclude, I opine that the younger ones may deviate from studies and negatively influenced by the mass media which leads them towards crime & drugs.
It is an irrefutable fact that in
today
's era
offsprings
has an abundance of freedom. Whether it might be deleterious in
some
facts or not has become a matter of discussion among the masses. I
strongly
agree
with the notion that
even though
the
young
ones
would go astray,
moreover
the
media
may
negatively
influence them.

To embark upon,
children
would go deviated from the studies due to excessive freedom.
Indeed
,
offsprings
are not
only
vulnerable to threats in this age
but
also
immature to understand the dichotomy.
Thus
,
people
who are deceptive
as well
as nonviolent will take undue advantage of
children
and brainwash them owing to this they would incline towards illegal activities.
As a result
, they will go astray in their life. To exemplify,
in USA
, 40
%of
young
ones
found indulged in drug abuse due to more freedom.
So
, the
young
ones
get
deviated.

Furthermore
, the
media
will
pessimistically
influence these
young
lads
because
of plethora of independence. Although parents cannot be present every time with their
children
,
so
they are towards
bad
company
because
of mass
media
.
Therefore
, they
begin
to bully & fight with others and become intolerant, which
further
result into acceptance from society.
Hence
,
offsprings
may indulge in crime. To justify, In Brazil, 50% of
children
found in criminal activities
because
of media's noxious exposure.
Thus
,
children
become future criminals.

To conclude
, I opine that the younger
ones
may deviate from studies and
negatively
influenced by the mass
media
which leads them towards crime & drugs.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? Please give your opinion with specific examples and details. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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