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Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? v.1

Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? v. 1
Nowadays, newspapers and magazines play a major role around the globe greatly. Each corner of the message should be collated and display as journalism. Some news reported the information about the top leading star daily routine and their natural habitat. In my opinion, I personally feel, it is not essential to release every second of their work and sometimes it would affect their privacy. So, the following paragraphs will discuss the issue comprehensively. Every newspaper and magazines cover at least one-page summary about the famous people such as celebrity in the cine field or a sports personality and their daily life activity. Although it is good to know the celebrity lifestyle, it would not create any positive impact on society, instead it provides general information about them. Sometimes the celebrity supporters would enjoy reading all the comments and suggestion. For example, when I read a newspaper at least I would see one full-page article about the superstar routing especially at the last page column. Sometime, it gives positive vibes while reading about the favourite character. On the contrary, it is inappropriate to write news about the famous person without their consent, which describe the media is getting into the wrong path. In this society, everyone has their own privacy even it is applicable for star too. Moreover, the spreading wrong news would affect the famous individual entire career. To illustrate with an example, recently, I have seen a news about the famous star and particularly what they mentioned in the news is about he is illegally affair with the politician's daughter, it causes a detrimental on the star career and create a negative impression among people. Moreover, their chances of getting movies will reduce due to this fake news. So, sometimes the fake news will create a wrong impression on good personality without knowing the truth fact. To conclude, although it is good for people to know more truth information about their favourite person and their lifestyle, without their consent the spreading fake news will create an adverse impact on the person lifestyle and the greater impression on the media will be ignored by many readers. In my opinion, despite having some positive feedback, I believe it is unnecessary for a magazine or newspaper to report this sort of private knowledge without the person consent to publicity.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
and magazines play a major role around the globe
greatly
. Each corner of the message should
be collated
and display as journalism.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reported the information about the top leading star daily routine and their natural habitat. In my opinion, I
personally
feel, it is not essential to release every second of their work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it would affect their privacy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the following paragraphs will discuss the issue
comprehensively
.

Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and magazines cover at least one-page summary about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
such as celebrity in the cine field or a sports personality and their daily life activity. Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to know the celebrity lifestyle, it would not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society,
instead
it provides general information about them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sometimes
the celebrity supporters would enjoy reading all the comments and suggestion.
For example
, when I read a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
at least I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
one full-page article about the superstar routing
especially
at the last page column.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sometime
, it gives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
vibes while reading about the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
character.

On the contrary
, it is inappropriate to write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
without their consent, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the media is getting into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path. In this society, everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
privacy even it is applicable for star too.
Moreover
, the spreading
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
would affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
individual entire career. To illustrate with an example, recently, I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
star and
particularly
what they mentioned in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
is about he is
illegally
affair with the politician's daughter, it causes a detrimental on the star career and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impression among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
, their chances of getting movies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
due to this fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
the fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
impression on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
personality without knowing the truth fact.

To conclude
, although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to know more truth information about their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and their lifestyle, without their consent the spreading fake
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
an adverse impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
lifestyle and the greater impression on the media will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
readers. In my opinion, despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback, I believe it is unnecessary for a magazine or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
to report this sort of private knowledge without the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
consent to publicity.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Some believe that TV, newspaper and radio have more influence on individuals than their relatives and friends, while others believe not. Which statement do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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