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Some believe that the students should do some part-time jobs or summerinterns to determine their future career. Do you agree or disagree with theopinion and why? v.1

Some believe that the students should do some part-time jobs or summerinterns to determine their future career. with theopinion and why? v. 1
In the last decades, there have been some significant advancements in technology which highly affect our monotonous lives in terms of working such as robotics systems instead of employees. When some people think that overworking time means substantial evidence of a country’s development, others accept that it means not only poor work conditions for workers but also less economically achievement for a country. In my opinion, working overtime is not a compass for economic situations despite the fact that it is proof that there is a high demand for production. On the one hand, to become a developed or wealthy country, some acknowledgments or achievements are necessary such as high technology and scientific researches. First of all, high technologies make easier production process and to plummet time which is necessary for production saving cost. For instance, some machines or apps give opportunities to collaborations and interactions amongst firms and employers as well as solving problems or creating products without many employees. Secondly, running scientific researches in a country illustrates directly the economic and social status of it. For example, some areas such as fuel cells or solar power cells are not vital for developed countries, but they are very critical issues in terms of global warming for all livings in the world. On the other hand, some countries such as Japan, and China have more highly working time than other countries such as European countries, so some people suppose that it is a critical tool to assessment economical levels. However, they ignore the issues mentioned above paragraph. For both countries, there are plentiful works regarding high technology and scientific researches, and investments to go up economical worth. Furthermore, it can have a negative effect on societies causing social problems such as late married, low rate of having children. In conclusion, it is not a direct link between working hours and economic successfully although it contributes to the wealth of a country. I confirmed believe that other factors in the economy are very dominated.
In the last decades, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
significant advancements in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
which
highly
affect our monotonous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
such as robotics systems
instead
of employees. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that overworking time means substantial evidence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
development, others accept that it means not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
poor work conditions for workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
less
economically
achievement for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime is not a compass for economic situations despite the fact that it is proof that there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
demand for production.

On the one hand, to become a developed or wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
acknowledgments or achievements are necessary such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and scientific researches.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
easier production process and to plummet time which is necessary for production saving cost.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
machines or apps give opportunities to collaborations and interactions amongst firms and employers
as well
as solving problems or creating products without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees.
Secondly
, running scientific researches in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
illustrates
directly
the economic and social status of it.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
areas such as fuel cells or solar power cells are not vital for developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical issues in terms of global warming for all livings in the world.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as Japan, and China have more
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
time than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
such as European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suppose that it is a critical tool to assessment economical levels.
However
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the issues mentioned above paragraph. For both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, there are plentiful works regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
and scientific researches, and investments to go up economical worth.
Furthermore
, it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on societies causing social problems such as late married, low rate of having children.

In conclusion
, it is not a direct link between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
hours and economic
successfully
although it contributes to the wealth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. I confirmed believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors in the economy are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
dominated.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that the students should do some part-time jobs or summerinterns to determine their future career. with theopinion and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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