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Some believe that the students should take a one-year break beforeattending college. Do you agree or disagree with the opinion and why? v.1

Some believe that the students should take a one-year break beforeattending college. with the opinion and why? v. 1
Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extend do agree? It is claimed by an overwhelming majority of people that as some students have difficulty with learning numerical and ideology, these subjects should not be obligatory and students should be able to choose what they want to learn. I am of the opinion that although these two subjects are somewhat difficult to learn, this quicken pupil’s mind and help them with thinking deeper when they face complex problems in the future, so it should be mandatory. There are two prominent reasons why some students reluctant study analytical and doctrine. Firstly, for many students, scientists and reasoning is complex and very difficult to understand and they need to spend a considerable amount of time on constant practice these two subjects. Moreover, Students always love things that stimulate them and are fun and exciting to do, whereas they feel mathematics and thinking are boring and stressful. These make them avoid these subjects at every cost. One the other hand, I suppose Mathematics and logic have a number of very useful benefits to student’s mind and life. First of all, solving mathematics questions develops student’s abilities to reason clearly and logically, taking into account real data and then conclude. Furthermore, Philosophical methods include questioning, critical discussion, rational argument, and systematic presentation, help students to develop their reasoning and analytical thinking. Educators will be able to prepare their minds when they have real problems. Therefor they learn to take any data into consideration, see the possible solutions and relate the data they have to reach the conclusion. In conclusion, it seems to me that analytical and viewpoint should set in schools’ curricula because of their valuable long-term effects on children’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional
instead
of compulsory. To what
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
?

It
is claimed
by an overwhelming majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have difficulty with learning numerical and ideology, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should not be obligatory and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should be able to choose what they want to learn. I am of the opinion that although these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
are somewhat difficult to learn,
The verb 'quicken' is plural. Did you mean: "this quickens"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
this quicken
pupil’s mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them with thinking deeper when they face complex problems in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should be mandatory.

There are two prominent reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
reluctant study analytical and doctrine.
Firstly
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, scientists and reasoning is complex and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
understand and
they need to spend a considerable amount of time on constant practice these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
things that stimulate them and are fun and exciting to do, whereas they feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
and thinking are boring and stressful. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them avoid these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at every cost.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the other hand, I suppose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Mathematics
and logic have a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
mind and life.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mathematics
questions develops
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student’s
abilities to reason
clearly
and
logically
, taking into account real data and then conclude.
Furthermore
, Philosophical methods include questioning, critical discussion, rational argument, and systematic presentation,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop their reasoning and analytical thinking. Educators will be able to prepare their minds when they have real problems. Therefor they learn to take any data into consideration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the possible solutions and relate the data they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reach the conclusion.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that analytical and viewpoint should set in schools’ curricula
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their valuable long-term effects on children’s life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that the students should take a one-year break beforeattending college. with the opinion and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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