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Some believe that students should be taught how to compete while others say that they should be taught to cooperate. What is your opinion? v.2

Some believe that students should be taught how to compete while others say that they should be taught to cooperate. What is your opinion? v. 2
People have different views about whether to promote competition or cooperation in childhood education. While some people regard competition as an unhealthy part of adolescence, I believe that cultivation with method embracing both two senses is more likely to create a useful adult. On one hand, placing kids in a competitive situation prepares them for an adult life in our highly capitalistic society that thrives on competition. Pursuit of championship is a part of human' s natural instinct and exists normally in our everyday life. In a short-time level, competing with others provides kids with quantities of challenges, that would continuously motive them to explore their potential and present self-competence in various way. As for occupational implications, people who are sensitive to their rival' s threatening appeal to be more aggressive, hence get a higher possibility of promotion. But there is concern that excessive competitions in childhood might lead to " win-at-all-cost" mentality. With basic cooperative-oriented education complement competitive values, children are prone to hold healthier interpretation to success and failure. Instead of tying their self-esteem up with their ability to beat others, they learn to communicate, and build trust and empathy with their partner. Mention that those qualities are of vital importance when making up social networks in their adulthood. Additionally, efficient team work often guarantees better productivity. Knowing how to collaborate with peers on common tasks will save them a lot of time yet provide exceptional outcomes. Additionally, Consequently, I admit that emphasis on collaboration or championship either makes its sense. But the greatest wisdom is to combine these two together, introduce competition gradually while still focusing on cooperation.
People
have
different
views about whether to promote
competition
or cooperation in childhood education. While
some
people
regard
competition
as an unhealthy part of adolescence, I believe that cultivation with method embracing both two senses is more likely to create a useful adult.

On one hand, placing kids in a competitive situation prepares them for an adult life in our
highly
capitalistic society that thrives on
competition
. Pursuit of championship is a part of
human&
#039; s natural instinct and exists
normally
in our everyday life. In a short-time level, competing with others provides kids with quantities of challenges, that would
continuously
motive them to explore their potential and present self-competence in various way. As for occupational implications,
people
who are sensitive to their
rival&
#039; s threatening appeal to be more aggressive,
hence
get
a higher possibility of promotion.

But
there is concern that excessive
competitions
in childhood might lead to
&quot
;
win-at-all-cost&quot
; mentality. With basic cooperative-oriented education complement competitive values, children are prone to hold healthier interpretation to success and failure.
Instead
of tying their self-esteem up with their ability to beat others, they learn to communicate, and build trust and empathy with their partner. Mention that those qualities are of vital importance when making up social networks in their adulthood.
Additionally
, efficient team work
often
guarantees better productivity. Knowing how to collaborate with peers on common tasks will save them
a lot of
time
yet
provide exceptional outcomes.
Additionally
,

Consequently
, I admit that emphasis on collaboration or championship either
makes
its sense.
But
the greatest wisdom is to combine these two together, introduce
competition
gradually
while
still
focusing on cooperation.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS essay Some believe that students should be taught how to compete while others say that they should be taught to cooperate. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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