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Should people get a job after school or should they attend university? Discuss both and give your opinion. v.1

Should people get a job after school or should they attend university? v. 1
Career progression has always been a difficult choice to make for any individual. Most students have to face all important question of What after school? While it is sometimes thought that students should work right after their schooling, others believe that students should continue to focus on university education. In my opinion, jobs after schooling will help the students will help to gain practical knowledge. On the one hand, some people think, working environment will give the students a great insight as to what is expected from them from the real job market and this will particularly help them to sharpen their skills further when they pursue education at a later stage in life. In other words, students will be in a better position to select the subject of specialization since they now know what work they are doing and what they actually want to be in their life. Furthermore, they will understand the value of money and they will be able to finance their own higher education and able to contribute the monetary burden of their parents. On the other hand, it is often believed that students should continue with their academics as it is very difficult to secure a job in this competitive world, with just schooling. Certain professions, for example, lawyers or doctors require specific knowledge of their respective streams this is not possible without university education. Additionally, for certain students it is difficult to study after their jobs thus it is better to complete the education all at one go rather than switching to jobs and coming back to study. In conclusion, people may vary in their opinion, I think that gaining practical experience is very important to help students understand what is expected out of them also it will aid in their decision making for higher education.
Career progression has always been a difficult choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for any individual. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
question of What after school? While it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should work right after their schooling, others believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should continue to focus on university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
after schooling will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to gain practical knowledge.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, working environment will give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a great insight as to what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from them from the real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and this will
particularly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to sharpen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
further
when they pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at a later stage in life.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will be in a better position to select the subject of specialization since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
know what work they are doing and what they actually want to be in their life.
Furthermore
, they will understand the value of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they will be able to finance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and able to contribute the monetary burden of their parents.

On the other hand
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should continue with their academics as it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to secure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in this competitive world, with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
schooling. Certain professions,
for example
, lawyers or doctors require specific knowledge of their respective streams this is not possible without university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Additionally
, for certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
it is difficult to study after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
thus
it is better to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
all at one go
rather
than switching to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and coming back to study.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that gaining practical experience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
understand what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
out of them
also
it will aid in their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
for higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Should people get a job after school or should they attend university? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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