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1-Some believe that people Should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.1

1-Some believe that people Should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 1
Recently, bicycles have been making headlines in the regional and state levels every now and then. Countries who are known for expansion also keep a budget for transportation sector from a significant number of years to promote the bicycle ride and push people to make their ride as default to commute. Well, as far as the topic of bicycle is concerned, it all comes down to the current infrastructure of the country itself. However, existing quality of roads and transportation may decide whether countries should lock a specific budget for bicycles or shift the focal point towards the solution of traffic jams. In addition, If countries transportation system is well equipped with today's top notch technology. The public should take advantage of such facilities provided by the government at the federal or provincial level for long term trips in the area or in province/state. On the other hand, the authorities should also think that to some extend bicycle usage can be reduced to a certain percentage. For Instance, people may ride a bicycle to commute to the work within the certain radius of 15 KM or less. Furthermore, governments can run several campaigns in schools and other public spots where a message can be delivered through a proper medium about bicycles, specifically how a two wheel ride can prolong your health and keep you away from several health issues: For Example: Joint pain, cardio problems and so on. Traffic jams and long queues may take a specific time period to reduce congestion levels to the lowest of all time. Nevertheless, authorities can implement the following rules in order to reduction of the traffic on the roads. Increase the taxes on the cars and age limit on the candidates who are willing to sit behind the wheel. At the age of 18. Next, all the major transportation facilities fare should be reduced and make it in the reach of all the commuters and build more bus, tram and train stops nearby, the closer they are the more likely they will be used by the general public. In the conclusion, I firmly believe that countries spending for bicycles outweighs traffic congestions however, countries should also use a strategy to motivate a general public on the benefits wing rather than an ad. Lastly, building, train, tram and bus stops from the ground may bury government's budget.
Recently,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
have been making headlines in the regional and state levels every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
and then.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Countries
who
are known
for expansion
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
sector from a significant number of years to promote the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ride
and push
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ride
as default to commute.

Well, as far as the topic of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
is concerned
, it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
infrastructure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
itself.
However
, existing quality of roads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
may decide whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should lock a specific budget for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
or shift the focal point towards the solution of traffic jams.
In addition
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
technology. The public should take advantage of such facilities provided by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
at the federal or provincial level for long term trips in the area or in province/state.
On the other hand
, the authorities should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
usage can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to a certain percentage.
For Instance
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ride
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycle
to commute to the work within the certain radius of 15 KM or less.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can run several campaigns in schools and other public spots where a message can
be delivered
through a proper medium about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
,
specifically
how a two wheel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ride
can prolong your health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
you away from several health issues:
For Example
: Joint pain, cardio problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Traffic jams and long queues may take a specific time period to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
congestion levels to the lowest of all time.
Nevertheless
, authorities can implement the following
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
in order to reduction of the traffic on the roads. Increase the taxes on the cars and age limit on the candidates who are willing to sit behind the wheel. At the age of 18.
Next
, all the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
facilities fare should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it in the reach of all the commuters and build more bus, tram and train
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
nearby, the closer they are the more likely they will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the
Consider using "public".
general public
.

In the conclusion, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
spending for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bicycles
outweighs traffic congestions
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a strategy to motivate a
Consider using "public".
general public
on the benefits wing
rather
than an ad.
Lastly
, building, train, tram and bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
from the ground may bury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's budget.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 1-Some believe that people Should get a job right after school. Others say they should attend university. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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