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Do you agree or disagree, With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly? v.1

, With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly? v. 1
It is argued that most of the offences are carried out after drinking intoxicants so many believe that putting prohibition on this kind of drinks is an effective solution for decreasing the number of crimes. I disagree with this view since it would not reduce the crime, but give rise to other crimes and other solution like increasing the strictness of punishment for illegal acts is more effective. Disallowing the use and selling of alcoholic beverages would result in the growth of other serious crime like smuggling. This is to say that alcoholic people in order to fulfil their demand of alcohol will encourage themselves to commit another unlawful act of trafficking of these beverages. In Bihar for example, the government puts prohibition on liquor in year 2016 for decreasing rates of doing criminal actions, but the results they received were exactly opposite instead of fall the rates rose by 13% in just 8 months of passing the law of prohibition. According to the Bihar police the reason behind the failure of this act was the illegal selling and trafficking of the alcohol. The most viable way of dealing with the reduction of the number of offences committed is to increase the intensity of the punishments. Due this there would be rise of fear in the mind of this criminal minded people and this would discourage them from committing criminal activities. For instance, in Dubai the punishment for theft done by a person more than twice is that they cut the hands of the culprit because of this there is a fear and the crime rates have gone down related to the thefts. To Conclude, putting restriction on liquor is not an answer for reduction of crimes as it not only would fail to lower the crime rate but also introduce a new stream of illegal act. For controlling this situation, strict punishment for criminal actions is an effective solution
It
is argued
that most of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are carried
out after drinking intoxicants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that putting prohibition on this kind of drinks is an effective solution for decreasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. I disagree with this view since it would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
give rise to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and other solution like increasing the strictness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
acts
is more effective.

Disallowing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and selling of alcoholic beverages would result in the growth of other serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
like smuggling. This is to say that alcoholic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in order to fulfil their demand of alcohol will encourage themselves to commit another unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
of trafficking of these beverages. In Bihar
for example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
puts prohibition on liquor in year 2016 for decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
actions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the results they received were exactly opposite
instead
of fall the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
rose by 13% in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
8 months of passing the law of prohibition. According to the Bihar police the reason behind the failure of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
was the illegal selling and trafficking of the alcohol.

The most viable way of dealing with the reduction of the number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
committed is to increase the intensity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
.
Did you mean to use the verb "do"?
Due
this there would be
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rise
of fear in the mind of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and this would discourage them from committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
For instance
, in Dubai the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for theft done by a person more than twice is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the hands of the culprit
because of this
there is a fear and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
have gone down related to the thefts.

To Conclude
, putting restriction on liquor is not an answer for reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
would fail to lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
introduce a new stream of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
act
. For controlling this situation, strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
actions is an effective
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
solution
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay , With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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