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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of come and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.18

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of come and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 18
The growing number of crime is on a rise every year. This essay would discuss the causes of atrocity and what solutions could be applied to reduce the rate of criminal activity. First, the causes of illegality in our society are so numerous, which may come as a result of unemployment. This could come as a result of over-population, when the birth percentage is high and there are no better plans in place to take care of the children. It could arise if university graduates each year that have no job placement which would make them to be stranded. Furthermore, corruption may be another obstacle that would lead most of the citizens into offences. For instance, during an election, most youths are strategies to carry guns and other weapons, which do not sound well because those weapons will be used later on to commit some blunders. Corruption could be caused, when the resources are not properly used to carry out projects that will be beneficial to the society at large. Therefore, corruption and unemployment could lead people to involve in different scandal. On the other hand, there are solutions that could be applied to reduce or prevent the amount of atrocity. First, employment opportunities, the government should try as much as possible to fund public corporations which would create job openings for the citizen. Government can also support private enterprise with loans which would be used to set up a profitable business in the society, with this those that are unemployed will be involved in one or two activities. In addition, more enlightenment programmes can be organized by the government and private personnels. Programmes such as, skills and acquisitions centres, which would bring out the best skills out of people. Therefore, with employment opportunities and enlightenment programmes, the degree of crime can be perverted. In conclusion, the growing number of offences is on a rise every year but could be minimised if there are job opportunities and enlightenment programmes for the citizens.
The growing number of crime is on a rise every year. This essay would discuss the causes of atrocity and what solutions could
be applied
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the rate of criminal activity.

First
, the causes of illegality in our society are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
numerous, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a result
of unemployment. This could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a result
of over-population, when the birth percentage is high and there are no better plans in place to take care of the children. It could arise if university graduates each year that have no job placement which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to
be stranded
.
Furthermore
, corruption may be another obstacle that would lead most of the citizens into
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
For instance
, during an election, most youths are strategies to carry guns and other weapons, which do not sound well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
those weapons will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
later on to commit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
blunders. Corruption could
be caused
, when the resources are not
properly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to carry out projects that will be beneficial to the society at large.
Therefore
, corruption and unemployment could lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to involve in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scandal.

On the other hand
, there are solutions that could
be applied
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the amount of atrocity.
First
, employment opportunities, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should try as much as possible to fund public corporations which would create job openings for the citizen.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
can
also
support private enterprise with loans which would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to set up a profitable business in the society, with this those that
are unemployed
will
be involved
in one or two activities.
In addition
, more enlightenment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
can
be organized
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Programmes' is British English.
Programmes
such as,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and acquisitions
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, which would bring out the best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
out of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Therefore
, with employment opportunities and enlightenment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, the degree of crime can
be perverted
.

In conclusion
, the growing number of
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
is on a rise every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
if there are job opportunities and enlightenment
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
for the citizens.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of come and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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