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Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. v. 1
In this contemporary world of philosophy and ideology, finance and vocation play a peculiar role. There often arises a dilemma of whether to accept one’s circumstances the way it is or to constantly try to improve it. While there are pros and cons of each belief, I prefer the latter ideology. On one hand, one can argue that life is not always in our control, if not most of the times. To expand this, a person can try his or her best with all the mightiest will and efforts to achieve something, only to fail. For example, my neighbour is a qualified and experienced electrical engineer. But currently, he is working in a call centre at the same wage and level as that of a 12th-grade graduate. He is neither contented with the salary, nor the job. He tried knocking the doors of several mega and small scale companies related to his engineering sector for many years, but due to the lack of demand, he could not pursue his dreams. Consequently, he blamed his ill-luck and learned to accept and live with the consequences. This implies that even after all the hard work if one experiences unfortunate circumstances, one should accept the reality of life and live with it. Conversely, a handful of people tend to abide by the famous slogan of never-ending perseverance. To elaborate, there is nothing that sheer determination and sweat cannot achieve. One famous living example is Elon Musk. Being an entrepreneur and genius at an early age, he has faced countless downfalls to the extent of repeated bankrupts despite fame and success. Moreover, he never stopped pursuing his passion, nor settled with contentment. As a result, he is considered the pinnacle of success and one of the most promising and tech-savvy pioneers today. This means that one should never blame luck or life’s mishaps, and instead, continue to pursue his/her dreams and goals. To conclude, I would like to reiterate the points of life’s unexpected events and out of control failures, but at the same time, the importance of will and perseverance in changing the course of life. In my opinion, I am a staunch and an ardent believer of following one’s passion irrespective of the circumstances and consequences. I believe nothing is impossible as the word itself breaks down into ‘I-M-POSSIBLE’.
In this contemporary world of philosophy and ideology, finance and vocation play a peculiar role. There
often
arises a dilemma of whether to accept one’s circumstances the way it is or to
constantly
try to
improve
it. While there are pros and cons of each belief, I prefer the latter ideology.

On one hand, one can argue that
life
is not always in our control, if not
most of the times
. To expand this, a person can try
his or her
best with all the mightiest will and efforts to achieve something,
only
to fail.
For example
, my
neighbour
is a qualified and experienced electrical engineer.
But
currently
, he is working in a call
centre
at the same wage and level as that of a 12th-grade graduate. He is neither contented with the salary, nor the job. He tried knocking the doors of several mega and
small
scale
companies
related to his engineering sector for
many
years,
but
due to the lack of demand, he could not pursue his dreams.
Consequently
, he blamed his ill-luck and learned to accept and
live
with the consequences.
This implies that
even
after all
the
hard
work if one experiences unfortunate circumstances, one should accept the reality of
life
and
live
with it.

Conversely
, a handful of
people
tend to abide by the
famous
slogan of never-ending perseverance. To elaborate, there is nothing that sheer determination and sweat cannot achieve. One
famous
living example is Elon Musk. Being an entrepreneur and genius at an early age, he has faced countless downfalls to the extent of repeated bankrupts despite fame and success.
Moreover
, he never
stopped
pursuing his passion, nor settled with contentment.
As a result
, he
is considered
the pinnacle of success and one of the most promising and tech-savvy pioneers
today
. This means that one should never blame luck or
life’s
mishaps, and
instead
, continue to pursue his/her dreams and goals.

To conclude
, I would like to reiterate the points of
life’s
unexpected
events
and out of control failures,
but
at the same time, the importance of will and perseverance in changing the course of
life
. In my opinion, I am a staunch and an ardent believer of following one’s passion irrespective of the circumstances and consequences. I believe nothing is impossible as the word itself breaks down into ‘I-M-POSSIBLE’.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that international sporting events contribute greatly to peace and stability in the world. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
387 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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