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Some believe that it is good having people with extremely high income in the country, while some think the government should try to limit it. Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some believe that it is good having people with extremely high income in the country, while some think the government should try to limit it. 1
It is often argued that whether having an enormous amount of money for particular people is good in society or the government need to create limitations to avoid this. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both statements and give my opinion, which favours the latter view. Those who believe having significantly wealthy individuals in a country, usually defend this is a positive development because being able to free in terms of finance can give people the freedom to invest in different fields. This situation ultimately may lead to improve country’s income as a whole. For example, Italian car brand Ferrari was created by a rich Italian family for the very need of their usage, however, the name of the car had spread across the country even beyond the borders relatively soon, after this development, the family decided to invest in the car automobile sector by creating Ferrari cars and importing them to people from all over the world. On the other hand, extreme differences on in the distribution of income can create inequalities in society. This is resulted with not every citizen having the same rights. For instance, private universities in Turkey offers two different options to the candidates to get in; The first one is having a sufficient money to pay the tuition fee where the second option is getting a remarkable grade at the university exam. If you are a student with a great enthusiasm to study at that specific university, however you could not hit the highest score on the exam and financially your family is not available to pay the school feel, you cannot get into that college. To conclude, although having particularly wealthy people who can invest and create new sectors and a country can improve the nation’s wealth, I believe that not distributing the financial sources evenly can lead tremendous inequalities in society
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
an enormous amount of money for particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in society or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to create limitations to avoid this. Throughout this essay, I will discuss both statements and give my opinion, which
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
the latter view.

Those who believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
significantly
wealthy individuals in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
usually
defend this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
being able to free in terms of finance can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the freedom to invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields. This situation
ultimately
may lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
income as a whole.
For example
, Italian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
brand Ferrari
was created
by a rich Italian family for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
need of their usage,
however
, the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
had spread across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
even beyond the borders
relatively
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
, after this development, the family decided to invest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
automobile sector by creating Ferrari
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
and importing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world.

On the other hand
, extreme differences on in the distribution of income can create inequalities in society. This
is resulted
with not every citizen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the same rights.
For instance
, private universities in Turkey offers two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
options to the candidates to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in; The
first
one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a sufficient money to pay the tuition fee where the second option is getting a remarkable grade at the university exam. If you are a student with a great enthusiasm to study at that specific university,
however
you could not hit the highest score on the exam and
financially
your family is not available to pay the school feel, you cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into that college.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
particularly
wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who can invest and create new sectors and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the nation’s wealth, I believe that not distributing the financial sources
evenly
can lead tremendous inequalities in society
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that it is good having people with extremely high income in the country, while some think the government should try to limit it. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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