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Some believe that in comparison with those never attended college, peopleattended college will be more successful in career. Do you agree or disagreewith this statement? Please give specific reasons for your opinion. v.1

Some believe that in comparison with those never attended college, peopleattended college will be more successful in career. Please give specific reasons for your opinion. v. 1
It is often argued that schools are not relevant anymore since students can gain any knowledge through the internet nowadays. I do not agree with the statement because children need guidance and interactive learning which is only possible in the classroom atmosphere is the best way. Due to the ubiquity of the internet, information can be accessed by anyone from anywhere. This development creates new opportunities for students to further their knowledge on any topic, however, without any guidance from their teachers, children may be lost on the internet by consuming irrelevant and, even harmful contents. For instance, although many internet services provide child protection options to protect kids from hazardous context, a recent study finds out that students can easily crack the protection code and reach anything they want to find out. This situation makes students more vulnerable in terms of their psychological and educational development. Moreover, the internet can not provide an interactive learning environment as the classrooms offer. For example, students can excel their curriculum through the internet tools, however, since these platforms do not allow users to interact with the writers of the sources, the children finish the learning progress with some questions on their mind. On the contrary, in the classroom atmosphere, they can easily ask the unclear parts of the lesson to their teacher or even to their peers. Therefore, school education is the most effective method and will be remaining the same for a long time. To conclude, although the internet provides students with a great number of sources to advance their learning process, I believe that the internet can not take school education’s place since it does not provide any guidance to children as the teachers do and interactive learning is not possible like in the classrooms.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that schools are not relevant anymore since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain any knowledge through the internet nowadays. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need guidance and interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible in the classroom atmosphere is the best way.

Due to the ubiquity of the internet, information can
be accessed
by anyone from anywhere. This development creates new opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
further
their knowledge on any topic,
however
, without any guidance from their teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may
be lost
on the internet by consuming irrelevant and, even harmful contents.
For instance
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
internet services
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
child protection options to protect kids from hazardous context, a recent study finds out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
easily
crack the protection code and reach anything they want to find out. This situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
more vulnerable in terms of their psychological and educational development.

Moreover
, the internet can not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
environment as the classrooms offer.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can excel their curriculum through the internet tools,
however
, since these platforms do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
users to interact with the writers of the sources, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
progress with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
questions on their mind.
On the contrary
, in the classroom atmosphere, they can
easily
ask the unclear parts of the lesson to their teacher or even to their peers.
Therefore
, school education is the most effective method and will be remaining the same for a long time.

To conclude
, although the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with a great number of sources to advance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
process, I believe that the internet can not take school education’s place since it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
any guidance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as the teachers do and interactive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is not possible like in the classrooms.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that in comparison with those never attended college, peopleattended college will be more successful in career. Please give specific reasons for your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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