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Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. v. 2
Certain things are inevitable in life; apparently, growing old too. In the last part of their life, people have to undergo several difficulties, right from financial struggle to health issues. People who once lived independently cannot resist depending on family members or nursing homes during in their 70s. Even though few argue that old people should live in nursing homes, I am convinced that, it is every family member’s responsibility to be a care-giver to elderly people. Admittedly, living in a nursing home in unavoidable circumstances has some benefits. Firstly, nowadays, life has become busier than ever. To cater to one’s needs, he/she has to work round-the-clock, which eventually refrain them from spending time with elderly family members. Secondly, nursing home for crippled elders has essential facilities to render to their needs, whereas some people cannot afford to have these facilities in houses. Finally, nursing care centers have their own medical consultants to monitor people on a 24/7 basis, which keeps elderly people safer than being at home However, elderly people expect the utmost care and affection from their family members. As per the statement, “Blood is thicker than water”, people’s instinct is to live in groups, especially with their family members. There should be a care-giver from a family for elderly people to give unconditional care, since after all everyone eventually will have to pass through old age sooner than later. Further, elderly people love to live with their grandchildren; similarly, children learn their conscience from their grandparents. To conclude, in my view point, I totally support senior citizens living with their younger family members. On the other hand, during unavoidable circumstances, staying at a nursing home is also safer.
Certain things are inevitable in life;
apparently
, growing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
too. In the last part of their life,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
undergo several difficulties, right from financial struggle to health issues.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who once
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
independently
cannot resist depending on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
or nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
during in their 70s.
Even though
few argue that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in nursing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
, I
am convinced
that, it is every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member’s
responsibility to be a care-giver to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Admittedly
, living in a nursing home in unavoidable circumstances has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
, nowadays, life has become busier than ever. To cater to one’s needs, he/she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
work round-the-clock, which
eventually
refrain them from spending time with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
Secondly
, nursing home for crippled elders has essential facilities to render to their needs, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford to have these facilities in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Finally
, nursing care centers have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
medical consultants to monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on a 24/7 basis, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
safer than being at home

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the utmost care and affection from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. As per the statement, “Blood is thicker than water”,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
instinct is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in groups,
especially
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. There should be a care-giver from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give unconditional care, since
after all
everyone
eventually
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pass through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age sooner than later.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their grandchildren;
similarly
, children learn their conscience from their grandparents.

To conclude
, in my view point, I
totally
support senior citizens living with their younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
On the other hand
, during unavoidable circumstances, staying at a nursing home is
also
safer.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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