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Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. v. 1
It is believed by some people that it is crucial to tidy up houses and offices and put items where they belong. In my opinion, I consider this to be a positive habit as it makes places aesthetically pleasing, which satisfies people, as well as influences children to become tidy too. People living in tidy places are likely to be happier and more creative than those living in a chaotic place. In other words, putting everything where it belongs instead of misplacing things makes the whole home feel organized and beautiful, which relaxes the eye and gives a feeling of satisfaction. Regarding work, a tidy office usually contributes to increased productivity as employees are not distracted by random items placed on their desk. Another benefit is that tidying up makes homes and workplaces look bigger and cleaner. Putting unnecessary items thoughtlessly everywhere makes any place look small, suffocating, and even dirty. However, tidying up fosters awareness and makes people think about whether the objects existing in their place are necessary or not. As a consequence, individuals start getting rid of items that they do not need, which leads to a healthy minimalist lifestyle. Finally, children growing in tidy homes are inspired by their parents to be adults who are good at organizing their own homes. This happens because children usually consider their parents as their role models and, consequently, try to imitate whatever they do. This nurtures responsibility and independence as they start organizing and cleaning their own rooms. This development is advantageous to societies as it leads to a new generation of adults who are responsible and well-organized. In conclusion, the habit of tidying up places where individuals live or work is obviously beneficial to individuals as well as the whole society.
It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that it is crucial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and offices and put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
where they belong. In my opinion, I consider this to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
habit as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
aesthetically
pleasing, which satisfies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
as well
as influences children to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
too.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are likely to be happier and more creative than those living in a chaotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
In other words
, putting everything where it belongs
instead
of misplacing things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the whole home feel organized and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
, which relaxes the eye and gives a feeling of satisfaction. Regarding work, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
office
usually
contributes to increased productivity as employees are not distracted by random
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
placed on their desk.

Another benefit is that tidying up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and workplaces look bigger and cleaner. Putting unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
thoughtlessly
everywhere
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
, suffocating, and even dirty.
However
, tidying up fosters awareness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about whether the objects existing in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
are necessary or not. As a consequence, individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
getting rid of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
that they do not need, which leads to a healthy minimalist lifestyle.

Finally
, children growing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tidy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are inspired
by their parents to be adults who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at organizing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
children
usually
consider their parents as their role models and,
consequently
, try to imitate whatever they do. This nurtures responsibility and independence as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
organizing and cleaning their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
rooms.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
This
development is advantageous to societies as it leads to a new generation of adults who are responsible and well-organized.

In conclusion
, the habit of tidying up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
where individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or work is
obviously
beneficial to individuals
as well
as the whole society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some believe elderly people should live in nursing homes, others think they should live with the younger family members. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
293 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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