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Some adults believe that nowadays children's behavior is worse than children's behavior in the past. These adults have suggested 3 actions that parents can do to help their children aged 6 -10 behave better, (for example, speaking more respectf v.2

Some adults believe that nowadays children's behavior is worse than children's behavior in the past. These adults have suggested 3 actions that parents can do to help their children aged 6 -10 behave better, (for example, speaking more respectf v. 2
Nowadays, children' s behavior has completely changed due to different reasons. Accordingly, parents can help them by scrutinizing their behavior. Some people believe that it is better for parents to limit the types of T. V program, another group of parents think that they should talk to their children and the others think that it is more effective to monitor and supervise them. From my perspective, I deeply believe that it is better to control children through supervising and monitoring them more closely and in what follows I will attempt to address the most discernible reasons. First, parents can find bad friends only through this method. Their immoral friends are usually the cause of most misbehavior and it is easy to find them by controlling a child behavior within a couple of weeks. For example, my nephew is 8- year old and when he went to elementary school, his behavior had completely changed. All the family understood that the reasons must be in his friends. Therefore, after some days monitoring and controlling of his behavior we found an impolite person that he had just accustomed with. Hence, my sister cut his relationship with his friend and my nephew became that decent and well-behavior child again. Second, angriness and bad-temper behavior may not be only a cause of friend and may a kind of sign provoke it. Indeed, some children scare to be in bad situation that they had a bad experience of. For instance, I can remember the time that I was child, I usually afraid of passing a way which was leading to my school. Therefore, I got angry at home and had bad behavior to my mother. My mother decided to follow me and find the cause and after a week she understood and decided to take me individually to the school. Hence, that experience taught me to now the importance of bad behavior in children. Finally, there are another types of person that affect children' s behavior. This category may be a bad memory of teacher. Today' s teacher, usually punish and ridicule children in the middle of students that may be much more detrimental. For example, the school that my cousin' s son was studying has a kind of teacher that punished students in the middle of the class. After that my cousin found change in his son' s behavior he went to the school and changed his son' s class and at the end he could solve his son' s behavior. All in all, as the aforementioned examples have illustrated, it is more effective to control and monitor children' s behavior when any change is understood. Not only does it help to omit bad friends of children and find the root of their misbehavior, but also it helps to find people that may cause it, whether it would be their teachers.
Nowadays,
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
has completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.
Accordingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them by scrutinizing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to limit the types of T. V program, another group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "thinks"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'think' is not always incorrect.)
think
that they should talk to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is more effective to monitor and supervise them. From my perspective, I
deeply
believe that it is better to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
through supervising and monitoring them more
closely
and in what follows I will attempt to address the most discernible reasons.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through this method. Their immoral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
usually
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of most misbehavior and it is easy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
them by controlling a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
within a couple of weeks.
For example
, my nephew is 8- year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and when he went to elementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
had completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. All the family understood that the reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Therefore
, after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
days monitoring and controlling of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
we found an impolite person that he had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
The usual collocation for "accustomed" is "to" not "with". Did you mean "accustomed to"?
accustomed with
.
Hence
, my sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
his relationship with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and my nephew became that decent and well-behavior child again.

Second,
Possible spelling mistake found.
angriness
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
-temper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
may not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
and may a kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
provoke it.
Indeed
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
scare to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
situation that they had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
experience of.
For instance
, I can remember the time that I was child, I
usually
afraid of passing a way which was leading to my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
angry at home and had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
to my mother. My mother decided to follow me and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
and after a week she understood and decided to take me
individually
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Hence
, that experience taught me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in children.

Finally
, there are another types of person that affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
. This category may be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
memory of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
usually
punish and ridicule
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the middle of students that may be much more detrimental.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
that my
Possible spelling mistake found.
cousin&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
son
was studying has a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
that punished students in the middle of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. After that my cousin found
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in his
Possible spelling mistake found.
son&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
he went to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his
Possible spelling mistake found.
son&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
he could solve his
Possible spelling mistake found.
son&
#039; s behavior.

All in all, as the aforementioned examples have illustrated, it is more effective to control and monitor
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
when any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is understood
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to omit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the root of their misbehavior,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
it, whether it would be their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
58Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some adults believe that nowadays children's behavior is worse than children's behavior in the past. These adults have suggested 3 actions that parents can do to help their children aged 6 -10 behave better, (for example, speaking more respectf v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
476 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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