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Public celebrations (festivals, national days) are held in some countries. Some people think that they are very expensive and the government should spend money on some other important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Public celebrations (festivals, national days) are held in some countries. Some people think that they are very expensive and the government should spend money on some other important things. v. 1
In recent time, because of hectic schedule, people rarely spend time cooking by themselves, so fast food has become an alternative choice for them and their family. However, the number of people who suffering from several health problems due to junk food consuming is increasing dramatically. Some people think that it is necessary for government to apply heavy taxes on fast meals. I partly agree with the given opinion because of the following reasons. On the one hand, increasing taxes would raise prices and lower consumption. If the government implementing high taxes on convenience meals, fast food companies will set a higher price on those foods to ensure their revenue, which lead people not being able to afford for fast cuisine because it's too expensive. As a result, they might buy other healthy, fresh items and cook at home. As a stark example, the cost of organic food has proven extremely expensive for most people do that is the reason why only a mere percentage of the population buy it regularly. On the other hand, imposing heavy tax not the only way to solve this problem, there are some others solutions. First of all, the authorities should limit the advertisement of fast food on the Internet and TV channel. As we all know children are the largest consumers of convenience meal, but they may not aware of the long-term consequence of junk food and they are appalled by the advertisement on TV and other social media. So it is government’s responsibility to limit fast meals and broadcasts more health related adverts on TV. Moreover, people nowadays become more and more busy because of jobs and school. Therefore, the government should impose rules on working and studying schedule so that citizens could enjoy healthy meals with their family. In conclusion, it is clear that carry out fare should be taxed at a higher rate to prevent people from illness. However, it is also some other measures to protect people’s health.
In recent time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of hectic schedule,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely spend time cooking by themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has become an alternative choice for them and their family.
However
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffering from several health problems due to junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consuming is increasing
dramatically
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to apply heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

On the one hand, increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
would raise prices and lower consumption. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
implementing high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
on convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will set a higher price on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to ensure their revenue, which lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not being able to afford for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
cuisine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's too expensive.
As a result
, they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
healthy, fresh items and cook at home. As a stark example, the cost of organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has proven
extremely
expensive for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
that is
the reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a mere percentage of the population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it
regularly
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, imposing heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve this problem, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others solutions.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the authorities should limit the
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on the Internet and TV channel. As we all know children are the largest consumers of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
may not aware
of the long-term consequence of junk
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
food and
they
are appalled
by the advertisement on TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social media.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility to limit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
and broadcasts more health related adverts on TV.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays become more and more busy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of jobs and school.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
on working and studying schedule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that citizens could enjoy healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
with their family.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that carry out fare should
be taxed
at a higher rate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from illness.
However
, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Public celebrations (festivals, national days) are held in some countries. Some people think that they are very expensive and the government should spend money on some other important things. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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