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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amounts all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risk. v.1

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amounts all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risk. v. 1
Observing the last decade, it can be concluded that social media became exponentially popular. Companies like Facebook and Instagram have made easier for people to connect, share experiences and make a living out of it. But, all of this comes as a cost. Exposing your data with these websites could lead to its inappropriate usage, identity theft and so on. Rise of popularity of social media in my opinion has brought the world a closer place. Humans are a few touches away from connecting with their family or friends. I personally have connected with my long lost friends using these platforms. These platforms also generate employment for a variety of talents. Many entrepreneurs use this to showcase their portfolios and spread their awareness. People of all age group relish to share about their life and experiences through these platforms. I believe this benefits everyone because other people can learn from these experiences and make informed decisions. For example, many people share travel itinerary on social media, observing this one can already know the Do's and Don'ts of a place they want to travel. Like all things come with a cost, social media has a big cost attached to it, in this case it is privacy. Entering this world and to gain its benefits, one has to provide personal details on these websites. This adds a lot of risk, because many online platforms share information with other partners without consent, this earns money for them. Usually, based on your like or dislikes, which could be deduced from your profile, websites show targeted stuff. Identity theft is also a risk factor as hackers know most of your details, which enables them to impersonate you for doing malicious activities. Observing both aspects, I conclude that advantages of social media outweigh its disadvantages, as social media offers increased outreach to people for conveying their opinions, which is very difficult to do otherwise. Knowing the risks, if people smartly choose what to share or not about their personal lives, could lower the risks.
Observing the last decade, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
became
exponentially
popular.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
like Facebook and Instagram have made easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to connect,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living out of it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, all of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
as a cost. Exposing your data with these websites could lead to its inappropriate usage, identity theft and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

Rise of popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in my opinion has brought the world a closer place. Humans are a few touches away from connecting with their family or friends. I
personally
have connected with my
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lost
friends using these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
also
generate employment for a variety of talents.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
entrepreneurs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this to showcase their portfolios and spread their awareness.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
of all age group relish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
about their life and experiences through these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
. I believe this benefits everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can learn from these experiences and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
informed decisions.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
travel itinerary on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, observing this one can already know the
Did you mean the idiom "Dos and Don'ts"?
Do's and Don'ts
of a place they want to travel.

Like all things
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with a cost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cost attached to it,
in this case
it is privacy. Entering this world and to gain its benefits, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on these websites. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
platforms
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
information with other partners without consent, this earns money for them.
Usually
, based on your like or dislikes, which could
be deduced
from your profile, websites
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
targeted stuff. Identity theft is
also
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
factor as hackers know most of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, which enables them to impersonate you for doing malicious activities.

Observing both aspects, I conclude that advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweigh its disadvantages, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
offers increased outreach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for conveying their opinions, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to do
otherwise
. Knowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
smartly
choose what to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
or not about their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, could lower the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amounts all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risk. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
338 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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