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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have a risk. Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have a risk. Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
Advance technology has invented social media, which has been commonly used by all people from all age limits. Although, there are many drawbacks to use a social network, especially the threats of information leak, my perspective is that its benefits surpass its negative effects. This essay will discuss both positive and negative points. Firstly, it is evident that people of all ages have access to social media, children can expose to adult content, and are themselves vulnerable to be approached by strangers with unknown intentions. Even if kids are sure who they are talking to on social media, its issues are not completely eliminated. For instance, cyber bullying is frequently reported in the news, and occurs on online network among youngsters. Therefore, adolescents should be careful while posting and sharing information online. On the other hand, we must admit that social media sites play an important role in all sectors of life. They are an effective way of communication that helps people not only to keep in touch with their current relationships but also broaden networks. To illustrate, because of Facebook, LinkedIn and other social platforms, many teenagers, office workers and even retired peoples have owned social media accounts which benefits them to acquire daily updates of current world. Hence, without social media websites, communication would not be as easy as it is. In conclusion, uses of social network are essential nowadays for all age groups. However, we face serious problems about information security on social media sites, it is undoubted that the positive sides of it still overshadow its demerits.
Advance technology has invented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, which has been
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all age limits. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
,
especially
the threats of information leak, my perspective is that its benefits surpass its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. This essay will discuss both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points.

Firstly
, it is evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, children can expose to adult content, and are themselves vulnerable to
be approached
by strangers with unknown intentions. Even if kids are sure who they are talking to on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, its issues are not completely eliminated.
For instance
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
is
frequently
reported in the news, and occurs on online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
among youngsters.
Therefore
, adolescents should be careful while posting and sharing information online.

On the other hand
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
admit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in all sectors of life. They are an effective way of communication that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
relationships
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
broaden
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of Facebook, LinkedIn and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
platforms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, office workers and even retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
accounts which benefits them to acquire daily updates of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world.
Hence
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
websites, communication would not be as easy as it is.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
are essential nowadays for all age groups.
However
, we face serious problems about information security on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
sites, it
is undoubted
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of it
still
overshadow its demerits.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have a risk. Do you think that advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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