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Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v.14

Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 14
Since the social media has been invented, it has become a major platform for communication and people can keep themselves up to date with their lives and about their families and friends lives as well. But many people believe that, positing your personal information has potential risks. In my opinion, there are more advantages than disadvantages. However, social media has its risks. As people of all ages have access to social media, children are more prone and can easily expose to adult content and approached by strangers with unknown intentions such as paedophiles. Even if children are sure of who they are talking to, still it does not eliminate its dangers. For instance, cyber bullying, we heard about it in the news frequently. In addition to this, parents feel that their children are home and away from their bullies and are in the safest environment, but still at some point they are still bullied by their bullies on social media which sometimes disturbs the children mentally so badly that they end up committing suicide. On the other side, it has a lot of pros for the adults especially. Finding jobs is much easier because of social media these days. There are various websites which provide you are platform to choose your employer and employer can find skilled employees via these websites such as LinkedIn, Indeed, Zip recruiter. Furthermore, in today’s fast paced world communication with family and friends has become very easy due to social media. Also, people who live far away from their families such as in different countries or cities can talk to their families much easily with the help of WhatsApp, Facetime and Skype. However, if people are more aware while using and sharing their personal information on social media and only post respectful and respectable content, then definitely the advantages of social media outweighs the disadvantages. Finally, children and adults can easily be benefited from such technology.
Since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
been invented
, it has become a major platform for communication and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves up to date with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
as well
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, positing your personal information has potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. In my opinion, there are more advantages than disadvantages.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more prone and can
easily
expose to adult content and approached by strangers with unknown intentions such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophiles' is British English.
paedophiles
. Even if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are sure of who they are talking to,
still
it does not eliminate its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
.
For instance
,
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, we heard about it in the news
frequently
.
In addition
to this, parents feel that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are home and away from their bullies and are in the safest environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
point they are
still
bullied by their bullies on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
disturbs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
badly
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up committing suicide.

On the other side, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pros for the adults
especially
. Finding jobs is much easier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
these days. There are various websites which provide you are
Consider using a past participle here: "platformed".
platform
to choose your employer and employer can find skilled employees via these websites such as LinkedIn,
Indeed
, Zip recruiter.
Furthermore
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced world communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends has become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
such as in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries or cities can talk to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
much
easily
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of WhatsApp,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Facetime
and Skype.

However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more aware while using and sharing their personal information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
post respectful and respectable content, then definitely the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
outweighs the disadvantages.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and adults can
easily
be benefited
from such technology.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Social media is becoming increasingly popular amongst all age groups. However, sharing personal information on social media websites does have risks. Do you think that the advantages of social media outweigh the disadvantages? v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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