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since traveling abroad became relatively inexpensive more countries opened their doors for foreign tourists. is it a positive or negative trend? give your opinion and include relevant examples v.2

since traveling abroad became relatively inexpensive more countries opened their doors for foreign tourists. is it a positive or negative trend? give your opinion and include relevant examples v. 2
Nowadays, in this competitive world, tourist attraction is one of the most prominent and beneficial ways to increase countries` income undoubtedly. Hence, governments try to devise some appropriate plans to facilitating tourists traveling to their countries. In this attitude, more countries opened their doors for foreign tourists after decreasing the price of traveling to other countries. I will discussed about advantages and disadvantages of this tendency and in follow, I will describe my opinion. One of the most important indicators for people to travel as a tourist is convenience of traveling to other countries. Many countries try to diminish their strictly rules for foreign tourists because of several beneficial results of that. Lots of commercial experts are unanimous in profits of tourist traveling for host countries. They argue that without any hesitation tourism is one of the easiest ways to increase income for countries. As evidence, recent published reports in Turkey illustrated that three tenth of their income comes from the tourism industry. Consequently, they try to distribute this industry by expanding facilities and constructing fundamental requirements. Furthermore, according to United Nations report, tourism is the best way to distribute cultural and commercial communications between countries. On the other hand, some social researchers claim that this approach have several significant issues for host countries. In their opinion, first of all, host countries are very busy and crowded most of the times and it make people unsatisfied and uneasy. Secondly, by increasing the number of tourists from undeveloped countries to modern world because of low price of traveling, some people from developed host countries insist that majority of tourists have demand to stay in their country as an immigrant and it can be perilous for their culture and economy undoubtedly. In conclusion, by comparing both sides of this argument it is obvious that because of financial profits of this tendency governments are resolute to pursue this method. I believe that tourism distribution in countries as one of the best way for increasing income and communication is unavoidable but countries should increase their safety to avoiding from any unforeseen risks in their countries.
Nowadays, in this competitive world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
attraction is one of the most prominent and beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries`
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
undoubtedly
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
try to devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
appropriate plans to facilitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
traveling to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In this attitude, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
opened their doors for foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
after decreasing the price of traveling to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I will
Did you mean simply "discussed advantages"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discussed about advantages
and disadvantages of this tendency and in follow, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
my opinion.

One of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
indicators for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to travel as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
is convenience of traveling to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
try to diminish their
strictly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several beneficial results of that. Lots of commercial experts are unanimous in profits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
traveling for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They argue that without any hesitation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is one of the easiest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. As evidence, recent published reports in Turkey illustrated that three tenth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry.
Consequently
, they try to distribute this industry by expanding facilities and constructing fundamental requirements.
Furthermore
, according to United Nations report,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
to distribute cultural and commercial communications between countries.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social researchers claim that this approach have several significant issues for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In their opinion,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy and crowded
Consider using "most of the time" if you mean "usually" or "very often".
most of the times
and it
Did you mean "makes"?
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unsatisfied and uneasy.
Secondly
, by increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
from undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to modern world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low price of traveling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
insist that majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
have demand to stay in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as an immigrant and it can be perilous for their culture and economy
undoubtedly
.

In conclusion
, by comparing both sides of this argument it is obvious that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of financial profits of this tendency
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are resolute to pursue this method. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
distribution in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
and communication is unavoidable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should increase their safety to avoiding from any unforeseen
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay since traveling abroad became relatively inexpensive more countries opened their doors for foreign tourists. is it a positive or negative trend? give your opinion and include relevant examples v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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