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Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. v. 4
Nowadays, there are some debates between educational experts about applicable and helpful courses for children in schools. In developed and modern countries children`s tendency in school is one of the most prominent challenges for majority of parents and teachers. Some social experts believe that to increase children information about their countries and world events, learning history is unavoidable for them. These experts are unanimous in importance of history as future`s guide. They emphasize that lesson learned from history can prevent aberration of succeed in victorious countries undoubtedly. These experts think that appropriate tutors can persuade children to learn history by utilizing some innovative and motivational methods. Actually, good teachers encourage children to study historical lessons eagerly. On the other hand, some other experts believe that to increase children information about lifestyle, they should learn new technologies and sciences definitely. In their attitude, in this competitive and complicated world, learning modern sciences is very essential for children to conflict with variety of issues around them. Recent investigations in European countries illustrated that more than 70% of parents were demanded from tutors to teach computer technologies to their children in schools. They think that except computer programs, their children are reluctant to learn other courses totally. Additionally, comprehensive researches in these countries showed that new technologies like computer courses have the most volunteers in university entrance exam there. In conclusion, because of importance of school years, governments should devise some suitable plan in schools for children. I think we can learn history and use historical experiences for future succeeds. In addition, I should say new technological sciences can improve our lifestyle certainly. Actually, both of them are very essential and useful for our children and us.
Nowadays, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
debates between educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
about applicable and helpful courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. In developed and modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
The character between 'children' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "children’s" (curly apostrophe) or "children's" (straight apostrophe).
children`s
tendency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is one of the most prominent challenges for
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
parents and teachers.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
believe that to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
is unavoidable for them. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
are unanimous in importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
as
The character between 'future' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "future’s" (curly apostrophe) or "future's" (straight apostrophe).
future`s
guide. They emphasize that lesson learned from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
aberration of succeed in victorious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
undoubtedly
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that appropriate tutors can persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
by utilizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
innovative and motivational methods. Actually,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study historical lessons
eagerly
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experts
believe that to increase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
information about lifestyle, they should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
new technologies and sciences definitely. In their attitude, in this competitive and complicated world, learning modern sciences is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to conflict with variety of issues around them. Recent investigations in European
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
illustrated that more than 70% of parents
were demanded
from tutors to teach computer technologies to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that except computer programs, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are reluctant to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
other courses
totally
.
Additionally
, comprehensive researches in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that new technologies like computer courses have the most volunteers in university entrance exam there.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
years,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should devise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suitable plan in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
history
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
historical experiences for future succeeds.
In addition
, I should say new technological sciences can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
our lifestyle
certainly
. Actually, both of them are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential and useful for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and us.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay Nowadays many people believe that children should be taught history in schools, however, others argue that children should learn subjects that are more helpful for modern everyday life. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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