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In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience. v.6

In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 6
Nowadays, lots of companies and industrial centers in all over the world use animals to produce something like food, clothing or medicine for people. A lot of animal lovers and companies have debate about using animals as material in factories. Most environmental experts believe that many of these things which produce by animals aren’t essential absolutely. They emphasize that using animals to produce something causes to perishing them very fast and it can be perilous for ecosystem undoubtedly. Recent years, lots of people in modern countries altered their type of food and became vegetarian. Comprehensive investigations in Europe countries illustrated that amount of vegetarians in these countries has been grown more than 30% during recent decade. In addition, majority of people in modern countries banned themselves from using clothes which produce with animals. According to last published reports in U. S, one fourth of clothes manufacturing factories have changed their materials to prevent killing animals during recent 5 years. On the other hand, lots of food companies think that because of people`s interest in utilize meat products, using animals in their produces is unavoidable. In addition, lots of other companies like medicine and clothes producers believe that aberration of past methods and changing materials causes to conflicting them with some unforeseen and unaccustomed issues. Because of these prominent reasons they prefer to continue their method to avoid from considerable challenges in their business. In conclusion, it is undeniable that by increasing people`s consciousness about animals and ecosystems, number of people which they don’t use animals to produce something will grow sharply. I believe that distribution this attitude can make people more healthy and happy.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and industrial centers in all over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produce
something like food, clothing or medicine for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
lovers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have debate about using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
as material in factories.

Most environmental experts believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produce
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
aren’t essential
absolutely
. They emphasize that using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produce
something causes to perishing them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and it can be perilous for ecosystem
undoubtedly
. Recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
altered their type of food and became vegetarian. Comprehensive investigations in Europe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
illustrated that amount of vegetarians in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has
been grown
more than 30% during recent decade.
In addition
,
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majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
banned themselves from using clothes which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produce
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
. According to last published reports in U. S, one fourth of clothes manufacturing factories have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their materials to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
during recent 5 years.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
interest in utilize meat products, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produces
is unavoidable.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
like medicine and clothes producers believe that aberration of past methods and changing materials causes to conflicting them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unforeseen and unaccustomed issues.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of these prominent reasons they prefer to continue their method to avoid from considerable challenges in their business.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that by increasing
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
consciousness about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and ecosystems, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which they don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
produce
something will grow
sharply
. I believe that distribution this attitude can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more healthy and happy.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay In the modern world it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing or medicine. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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