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Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. To what extent do you agree? v.3

Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 3
Nowadays, internet has the vast amount of information from culture and history. There are some arguments about museum that they are redundant But, I utterly disagree with this statement. Therefore, I will discuss in further paragraphs about a certain assent. To begin with, undoubtedly, online platforms have the huge data about artefacts but, seeing museums in physical manner it’s a different and realistic experience. For example, folks can see the statue of unity via internet, but watching in online encyclopedia does not provide you the accurate practical experience. You cannot predict the exact measurements. Watch an image and seeing directly in realistic approach, provides a diverse attributes. The internet gives an accurate knowledge, but you feel that’s its insufficient and does not issue contentment. Secondly, museum can help in revenue of government. With ticket amount museum can be transformed in refurbished building and aid the government. Anyone can envisage about paintings and artefacts by internet, but they did not get the insightful experience. For instance, if museum is surrounded by shops, cafes, and restaurants their pursuit can bring people to them and people can buy the small antiques and can have the meal in a restaurant and it will aid the owner and employee. Museum has the archaic antiques and paintings, these are very salient & essential for the nation's prestige. All the antiques have the special dignity. However, efforts must be made for integrity of museums, art galleries and they should also refurbished by the country to boost the economy and beneficial for people. To conclude, a nation’s historical and cultural treasures abound in museums. Therefore, there must be maintained and it cannot be replaced by visiting the museum in person.
Nowadays, internet has the vast amount of information from culture and history. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
that they are redundant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
utterly
disagree with this statement.
Therefore
, I will discuss in
further
paragraphs about a certain assent.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
undoubtedly
, online platforms have the huge data about
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, seeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
in physical manner it’s a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and realistic experience.
For example
, folks can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the statue of unity via internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
watching in online encyclopedia does not provide you the accurate practical experience. You cannot predict the exact measurements.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watch
an image and seeing
directly
in realistic approach, provides a diverse
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "attribute"?
attributes
. The internet gives an accurate knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you feel that’s its insufficient and does not issue contentment.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in revenue of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. With ticket amount
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
can
be transformed
in refurbished building and aid the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. Anyone can envisage about paintings and
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
by internet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the insightful experience.
For instance
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is surrounded
by shops,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
, and restaurants their pursuit can bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
antiques and can have the meal in a restaurant and it will aid the owner and employee.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
has the archaic antiques and paintings, these are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
salient & essential for the nation's prestige. All the antiques have the special dignity.
However
, efforts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be made
for integrity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
, art
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
galleries and
they should
also
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "refurbish"
refurbished
by the country to boost the economy and beneficial for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, a nation’s historical and cultural treasures abound in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
Therefore
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be maintained
and it cannot
be replaced
by visiting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in person.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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