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Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. To what extent do you agree? v.4

Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 4
Internet today provides vast amount of information from culture and history. Therefore, there is an argument where museums are irrelevant. I utterly disagree with this view as museums offer not only a one kind of experience to the visitors, but also helps the local government of their economy. To begin with, museums are places for historical artefacts and for some people, observing the actual or clones is a far greater experience than looking at the internet. By being able to touch, feel and at the same time understand the story behind it, gives another kind of experience. For example, the Art Museum of Louvre Italy, where visitors are able to observe the Monalisa, allows a greater appreciation for the art and to the creator itself. This is something that cannot be experienced by searching on the internet. Additionally, the fees collected from the visitors help the government to maintain the facilities. Consequently, when many visitors visit the place, the surrounding places like restaurant, cafes and souvenir shops gets the benefits of the traffic. One good example is the same art museum in Italy, visitors are able to find nearby food places easily, and many stores around it are selling miniatures and printouts of Monalisa. Therefore, museums are well taken care, it attracts more tourist and boost the local economy due to the traffic it generates. To conclude, museums still play an important role in the society as it boosts up the local economy and a gives a unique experience to its visitors even though the knowledge can be found on the internet. Given this situation, I personally believe that the government should advocate the importance of museums to protect the culture and the history it tells.
Internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
provides vast amount of information from culture and history.
Therefore
, there is an argument where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are irrelevant. I
utterly
disagree with this view as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
offer not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a one kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of their economy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
for historical
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
and for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, observing the actual or clones is a far greater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
than looking at the internet. By being able to touch, feel and at the same time understand the story behind it, gives another kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
For example
, the Art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
of Louvre Italy, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
are able to observe the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Monalisa
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
a greater appreciation for the art and to the creator itself. This is something that cannot
be experienced
by searching on the internet.

Additionally
, the fees collected from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to maintain the facilities.
Consequently
, when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, the surrounding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like restaurant,
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
and souvenir shops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
the benefits of the traffic. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example is the same art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
in Italy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
are able to find nearby food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
easily
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
stores around it are selling miniatures and printouts of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Monalisa
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are well taken care, it attracts more tourist and boost the local economy due to the traffic it generates.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
still
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the society as it boosts up the local economy and
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a gif", "a give" or simply "gives"?
a gives
a unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
even though
the knowledge can
be found
on the internet.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
this situation, I
personally
believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should advocate the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
to protect the culture and the history it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Since most information about culture and history can be found on the internet, museums are not needed anymore. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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