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Should young people follow older people’s advice or is it good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Should young people follow older people’s advice or is it good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 2
With the tremendous influence of modernization, remarkable changes have taken place in thinking patterns. While conservatives believe that young people should follow their elders’ examples, progressives opine that it is adolescent intrinsic nature to challenge what their adults say. This essay will shed some light on both views while I believe that it is youngster’s nature to question older notions. First and foremost the experiences and knowledge that older people gathered during a life time can be considered as a treasure trove of wisdom. Secondly, some offspring believes that they should follow their parent’s occupation to maintain the status quo as advised by their adults. For instance, a recent study done by Pennsylvania University revealed that 45% of medical students who granted university entrance in the year 2018 have chosen a career in medicine just because their parents are doctors and they believe it would bring them the prosperity in their lives. Nevertheless, the few instances that bolstered this opinion, there are enormous scenarios where juveniles challenge their elders’ teaching which will be discussed in the following paragraph. It is quite plausible that teenagers’ innate nature and curiosity lead them to bring new inventions to this world. Moreover, secondary school and university students do their own experiments which challenge their study materials during their practical sessions. For an example, a contemplated research carried out by a renowned magazine ‘The Scientist’ illustrated that 70% of new experiments in educational institutes lead to invent marketable products every year. Thus, it is conspicuous that it is adolescents’ natural behavior to question what their adults say. To conclude, some traditional people believe that youngsters should follow their adults while the modern thinking encourage teenagers to challenge older studies. Furthermore, it is inevitable from the aforementioned paragraphs that adolescents natural curiosity goes beyond the old teachings which asserts my opinion.
With the tremendous influence of modernization, remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
have taken place in thinking patterns. While conservatives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should follow their elders’ examples, progressives opine that it is adolescent intrinsic nature to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenge
what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
say. This essay will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on both views while I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that it is youngster’s nature to question older notions.

First
and foremost the experiences and knowledge that older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gathered during a
Did you mean "lifetime"?
life time
can
be considered
as a treasure trove of wisdom.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
offspring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believes
that they should follow their parent’s occupation to maintain the status quo as advised by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
.
For instance
, a recent study done by Pennsylvania University revealed that 45% of medical students who granted university entrance in the year 2018 have chosen a career in medicine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their parents are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctors and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
it would bring them the prosperity in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Nevertheless
, the few instances that bolstered this opinion, there are enormous scenarios where juveniles
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenge
their elders’ teaching which will
be discussed
in the following paragraph.

It is quite plausible that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
’ innate nature and curiosity lead them to bring new inventions to this world.
Moreover
, secondary school and university students do their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experiments which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenge
their study materials during their practical sessions. For an example, a contemplated research carried out by a renowned magazine ‘The Scientist’ illustrated that 70% of new experiments in educational institutes lead to invent marketable products every year.
Thus
, it is conspicuous that it is adolescents’ natural behavior to question what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
say.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that youngsters should follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
while the modern thinking encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
challenge
older studies.
Furthermore
, it is inevitable from the aforementioned paragraphs that adolescents natural curiosity goes beyond the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
teachings which asserts my opinion.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Should young people follow older people’s advice or is it good for them to challenge older people’s opinions and thoughts. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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